There But For The Grace of God…

It wasn’t until I’d jumped with both feet into the weight loss blogging pool that I slowly came to understand just how incredibly, indescribably lucky I was.



Oh, I didn’t feel very fortunate in by triple-XL non-designer shirts. I didn’t feel fortunate when the seat of my slacks ripped in public. I didn’t feel very fortunate when my body wouldn’t allow me to do all the things I wanted or I woke up each morning feeling like I’d been run through a cotton gin.



I didn’t realize back then that there were others out there who had wandered so much farther down that dark path. Folks like Sean, Tony, Stephen
 and others.

You see, some safety switch in my headbone wiring fired off whenever I got within spitting distance of 300 lbs. Up until that point, I’d always managed to stave off that miserable milestone (or at least jump back over the fence pretty quickly).

It wasn’t always easy, and I give much of the credit to my wife and trio of daughters. Anita helped me by encouraging me and by being a healthy inspiration, and my girls helped me by regularly eating all the food in the house.



I don’t know what the point of this rambling wreck is, except that I recognize that different circumstances could have made for a different, more difficult road for me.  I have a frame that can pack on pounds and–given the wrong conditions–I’m pretty sure I would have kept blowing up out of control.


What got me thinking about “the road less (fat) traveled” was stumbling across Holly’s blog and a heart-felt video about her struggles, her setbacks and–ultimately–her successes.

I know that there are people out there (and you might be one of them) who feel that positive change won’t or can’t happen.

You’re wrong.

You just are.

There are people out there who (chances are) were in worse shape than you’ll ever be. For them, the simplest acts of daily life required extensive effort or an imaginative engineering solution. Gravity pressed them to this Earth in a way that I hope you or I never experience, and yet they got up on their feet and they got themselves going.

Are there forces at work that are conspiring against you?

Does Life seem to invent new hurdles to litter in your path?

Are you sometimes your own worst enemy?

Well, welcome to all our worlds.

Rediscovering our health requires effort, discipline and, most of all… copious amounts of time. Some say that the first step on this journey is the hardest, but I haven’t necessarily found that to be true.

For me, the hardest step is the next one.

Can you make one more step without struggling or stumbling?

Can you make one more step towards where you’d like to be instead of where you’ve found yourself stuck in the past?

Can you make one more step in the right direction?

Just so you know, the answer to those questions is a resounding “Yes!”

Use Holly’s (and other folks’) successes to fuel your own drive, to light a fire in your own gut.

She’s doing it.

They’re doing it.

You and I can, too.

Even More of the World’s Worst Workout DVDs

• Gymnastics for Geriatrics

• Ab-ageddon- 100 End-of-the-World Stomach Exercises

• Sweaty & Thready, The X-Treme Crocheting Workout

• Plank ‘Til You Stank

• Do a Chin-Up, Eat a Push-Up

• “Sofa, So Good” – The Ultimate Sit-On-The-Couch Workout

• Weights on Skates!

• Skip Your Way to Better Health* (Note: involves skipping work and going to see personal trainer instead)


• Yoga with Yoda

• X-ercise to X-ylophone Classics!

• The Invisible Man’s Out-of-Sight Exercise Plan

• Swing & Sway While You Make a Soufflé!

• Conjugal Abdominals

• Go Cat Go! – The Kittenbell Workout

• Dumbbells for Dumbasses

Next Year's Halloween Costume

I've already got it all planned out.

I would do it this year, but it's an elaborate get-up.

It includes a pair of jeans that are currently residing on the upper shelf of my closet. Scary jeans, you ask? Well, they made my eyes bug out the last time I tried them on. I'm fairly certain that you would have been frightened, too, had you been in the room.

And speaking of creepy, next year's costume involves shrinking the belly that's been creeping over my belt.

I plan to shock some of the other guests at the parties I attend.

It will involve quite a bit of preparation.

It will be hard work.

But when you see me, you won't believe your eyes.

Healthy Living - Gangnam Style!

Heeeeeeeeey, sex-xay lay-day...

CLICK HERE!

What? More Weight-Loss Songs for Wee Little Children?

Push Little Buddy

Push, little buddy, get in the zone,
Or trainer’s gonna tease ya in a mocking tone.

If that mocking tone won’t inspire,
Trainer’s gonna set your pants on fire. 



If that fire doesn’t do the trick,
Trainer’s gonna poke you with a stick.



If that stick doesn’t make you work,
Trainer’s gonna call you a lazy jerk.



If name-calling doesn’t get your endorsement,
Trainer’s gonna try positve reinforcement.


So push, little buddy, won’t you try?
Trainer wants results and so do I.

Hot CrossFit Buns

Hot CrossFit buns,

Hot CrossFit buns,
Work out plenty,
‘Til you’re empty,

Hot CrossFit buns.



If you really push yourself,

This can help you tons,

Work out plenty,
‘Til you’re empty,

Hot CrossFit Buns


The Overweight Bod

The overweight bod,

She ain’t what she used to be,

Ain’t what she used to be,

Ain’t what she used to be
.
The overweight bod,

She ain’t what she used to be

Many long months ago.



Many long months ago,

Many long months ago,

The overweight bod,

She ain’t what she used to be,

Many long months ago.



The overweight bod,

She kicked it into another gear,

Kicked it into another gear,

Kicked it into another gear,

The overweight bod,

She kicked it into another gear,

Many long years ago.



Many long months ago,

Many long months ago,

The overweight bod,

She kicked it into another gear,

Now she’s good to go!

Aiken Muscle

There was a man lived in the gym, in the gym, in the gym.
There was a man lived in the gym, and his name was Aiken Muscle.



And he worked upon a bicep, a bicep, a bicep.
He worked upon a bicep and 
his name was Aiken Muscle.



And his hair was kinda sweaty, sweaty, sweaty.
His hair was 
kinda sweaty and his name was Aiken Muscle.



There was a man lived in the gym, in the gym, in the gym. 

There 
was a man lived in the moon and his name was Aiken Muscle.

Jackie Sh*ttigan

There was an old man named Jackie Sh*ttigan,

He had whiskers on his chinnegan,

He slimmed up, then got fat again,

Poor old Jackie Sh*ttigan,

Begin again.



There was an old man named Jackie Sh*ttigan,

Was doing great, but then he quit again.,

He really wishes that he could get fit again
.
Poor old Jackie Sh*ttigan,

Begin again.



There was an old man named Jackie Sh*ttigan,

He grew fat and then grew thin again,

Every day he must begin again,

Wise old Jackie Sh*ttigan,

Begin again.

How Are You Doing?

No, I'm asking.

Most days, I either get on here and act a fool or show you a glimpse of how my getting-healthier quest is progressing.

Today's about you.

Are you greeting the day with calm and confidence?

Are you leaping over the hurdles that life haphazardly scatters in your path?

Are you getting bogged down in routine, getting frustrated with the glacier pace of positive change?

Are you inching towards your goals, wishing it would all happen faster and more easily?

If you're like me, it's all-of-the-above.

Some good days, some not-so-good days, but a better understanding than ever before of what it takes to make a little magic happen on the getting-fit front.

I don't know about you, but apparently I'm not getting any younger (and who do I talk to about that?). There is not better time to get serious about this stuff than now, no better time to start than today.

So I hope you're pushing forward with confidence and conviction.

I hope that each day is a step closer to where you want to be.

We're in this together, you and I.

I'm doing everything I can to make sure that today, tomorrow and the next day are days filled with determination, sweat and good choices. 

I'm killing it these days.

How about you?

How to Get Tossed From a Weight Watchers Meeting

• Bring a life size latex sex doll and insist that he/she gets to weigh in, too.

• 

Pretend to be Weight Watchers CEO David Kirchhoff and sign copies of your book Weight Loss Boss for five dollars each.



• Do a continuous series of backflips on the scale during weigh-in.



• Challenge everyone in the room to a Pronto Pup-eating contest.



• Clean your shotgun during the meeting.



• Stand up in front of everyone and claim to be the substitute Weight Watchers leader for the night.

• Use telekinesis to manipulate the scale.

• Carry a baby made out of marshmallow that you nibble on all during the meeting.



• Borrow other people’s smartphones and fix them so that every time they open a browser it goes to your blog.