Next Year's Halloween Costume

I've already got it all planned out.

I would do it this year, but it's an elaborate get-up.

It includes a pair of jeans that are currently residing on the upper shelf of my closet. Scary jeans, you ask? Well, they made my eyes bug out the last time I tried them on. I'm fairly certain that you would have been frightened, too, had you been in the room.

And speaking of creepy, next year's costume involves shrinking the belly that's been creeping over my belt.

I plan to shock some of the other guests at the parties I attend.

It will involve quite a bit of preparation.

It will be hard work.

But when you see me, you won't believe your eyes.

Ways Being Overweight Is Like Halloween

• You ought to be more scared of it than you actually are
  
  
• You keep a bunch of candy around the house “for the kids”
  
  
• They don’t make the best clothes in your size
  
  
• You detest folks that insist on offering you healthy treats
  
  
• Sometimes you get creeped out when you catch your reflection in the mirror
  
  
• Your children get a lot more exercise than you do
  
  
• Feel as though you’re wearing a bulky costume
  
  
• Can’t walk around the block without stopping at every house and asking for food
  
  
• When you get dressed up, people think you look frightening
  
  
• Insert your own “goblin” joke here
  
  
• You often steal food from your children
  
  
• You want to hide your face

Ways Being Overweight Is Like Halloween

• You ought to be more scared of it than you actually are
  
  
• You keep a bunch of candy around the house “for the kids”
  
  
• They don’t make the best clothes in your size
  
  
• You detest folks that insist on offering you healthy treats
  
  
• Sometimes you get creeped out when you catch your reflection in the mirror
  
  
• Your children get a lot more exercise than you do
  
  
• Feel as though you’re wearing a bulky costume
  
  
• Can’t walk around the block without stopping at every house and asking for food
  
  
• When you get dressed up, people think you look frightening
  
  
• Insert your own “goblin” joke here
  
• You often steal food from your children
  
  
• You want to hide your face