• Take off your diamond ring before weighing in; that sucker
must be over 5 lbs!
• Have your chauffeur park in the farthest parking space
when you’re on your next shopping spree.
• If you’re having Iranian Beluga caviar,
from the eggs of an extremely rare albino sturgeon found in
the Caspian Sea, try putting it on reduced-fat Wheat Thins.
• It’s incredibly tempting to eat the food that children leave
on their plates at mealtimes, so consider packing up your kids and sending them
to a very nice boarding school.
• Give yourself $10,000 every time you meet one of your
weight-loss goals.
• Make working out more convenient by joining every single gym
in your city.
• Not getting enough fruits and vegetables in your diet? Why
not try screaming at your personal chef?
• Do arm exercises with any gold bars you have laying around
the house.
• Can’t quit drinking champagne every day? Try switching to
diet Dom Perignon.
• Positive reinforcement can be a key component for weight
loss, so hire somebody to follow you around and tell you how fantastic your ass
looks in those jeans.
What about my Rolex Jack, should I take it off?
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