Bad Bad

On the South side of Chicago,

Having deep-dish and a 6-pack.
Chowing down down there,
Health in disrepair.
It’s a man named blog-boy Jack.

Now Jackie’s more than chubby,
Even tho he stands at six foot four.
All the downtown ladies call him "Fatty McFatface,"
It just makes him wanna eat more.

And he's fat, fat blog-boy Jack.
The fattest man of the whole damn pack.
Fatter than Kevin from “The Office”
Eatin’ until he makes himself nauseous.

Now Jackie, he was a snacker,
And he outgrew all his clothes.
And he liked to munch his onions rings,
It’s why he can’t see his toes.
He eats way to much for breakfast.
Lunches on too much, too.
He got a fried tater in his pocket for later.
He got a Mars bar in his shoe.

And he's fat, fat blog-boy Jack.
Bought a bag of chips and ate the whole sack.
Fatter than Rosie or Oprah.
Never seems to get off the sofa.

Well, Friday bout five years ago,
Jackie changed his ways.
Took a look in the mirror
He put down those Doritos,
And ooh that boy amazed.
Well, he started eatin’ better,
And an exercise program began.
Blog-boy Jack learned a lesson
'Bout lessening, start the life of a healthy man.

Now he's fit, fit blog-boy Jack.
The fittest man of the whole damned pack.
Leaner than a junkyard dog.
Writer of a dumb health blog.