Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tips to Get Through Thanksgiving Dinner

  • Sneeze in the bowl when somebody passes you the candied yams
  • 
In honor of Native American traditions, skip Thanksgiving dinner and go play penny slots at the casino



  • Fake a coma
  • 
Tell family you're on hunger strike until network brings back “Fly Girls”
  • Read a brochure about diabetes while eating
  • Cover your teeth with Play-Doh
  • Chew each bite 200 times
  • Go to the kitchen and get a new fork every time you take a bite
  • Secretly feed half the food on your plate to your dog under the table (if you don’t have a dog, ask a friend to sit under the table and eat scraps)
  • 
Do the ol' yank-the-tablecloth-off-the-table trick
  • 
Suddenly remember that you forgot to fill out the warranty card on the new vacuum cleaner you just bought and run out of the house screaming
  • 
Glue a bunch of rice cakes together, then carve a turkey out of it
  • 
Instead of eating your mom's cooking, try eating my mom's cooking
  • 
Recreate John Belushi's famous "I'm a zit!" mashed potato bit from Animal House
  • 
Instead of having a big slice of homemade pumpkin pie with freshly whipped cream on top, why not try going to a back bedroom and weeping 
inconsolably?


.

14 comments:

  1. Cover Your Teeth with Play-Doh - ROTFLMAO!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I tried the Zit thing once -
    Never got invited back.
    *sheesh!*
    Some people!

    ReplyDelete
  3. How about just not going! I like that one.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I vote for just eat a sensible meal. :) Happy Thanksgiving to the Sh*t family. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I might try a few of these... :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I tried the zit thing too and wonder why I did not get asked back hmmmm...

    Happy turkey day Jack. Hope the Sh*t family enjoys the long weekend. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  7. lol. Hope your wife is doing good today...sending good thoughts and fervent prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm thinking of you and Anita as I read this and hope you have the best day possible. Please don't feed her a rice cake turkey or sneeze on the candied yams.

    Keep up with your sense of humour. It's the only way through tough times, but you're allowed to cry too, so long as you laugh as well.

    Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Entirely too close to home about the "Native American" traditions, LOL! The casino is just up the road and they are having what will probably be a wonderful Thanksgiving buffet. We went last year when hubby was not working.

    No slots though. But that's OK, there were plenty of people playing like they meant it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great tips. I particularly like the penny slots and rice cake suggestions.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hilarious post!!! Hope you and the Sh*t family have a fantastic thanksgiving!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. You left off "try a bite of your vegetarian son's 'TOFUrkey' and become so disgusted you simply can't eat anything for the rest of the day." :/

    ReplyDelete
  13. Go ahead and have a peace (piece) of pie! Thats how I surive! LOL Happy Thanksgiving!

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails