Monday, November 8, 2010

Bodfather: A Summons to Appear

Subject #2 in the "Bodfather"
Witness Reduction Program: Laurie

Height: 5'6"
Current weight:  240 lbs.

Opening statement: I hate lawyers.

I guess it comes from my personal lawyer, who sent me a bill the other day for crossing the street and talking to somebody that he thought was me.

So when I agreed to take on Laurie as part of my “Bodfather” program, my plan was to tell her to eat cupcakes six times a day and watch nine hours of television daily.

But then I started learning more about Laurie’s story.

“You know I was thin at one time,” she confided in me.  “My grandmother was obese. My aunt was grossly obese (I think that's the term). I saw my aunt about three years ago and her first words were 'I knew you’d eventually get fat.’”

Then she went into hiding. For the next couple of years, Laurie avoided seeing anyone that knew her from back when was thin, including her own family.

From there, she tells me, she spent a year in defiance.  “Yeah I am fat,” she proclaims boldly. “What of it?”

What of it indeed? Not caring what others think is one thing, but when it’s so obvious that obesity is taking its toll on your quality of life, well… that’s a different story.

“It’s about the aches and pains,” says Laurie. “It’s about the fact that my knees hurt or my back aches.  Or I can't go up one flight of stairs without huffing.”

So Laurie decided to represent herself, decided that now’s the time to take control of her own future. 

However, and… well, you probably already know this:  it’s difficult.

“I can feel the excuses start around 2 p.m.” she told me. “ Candy = energy.  Hamburger = being good to myself.  Ice cream = yeah, you leave the ice cream out of this.  Ice cream never hurt anyone, ice cream loves me...okay, scratch that.”

 So, it’s not easy. I’ll tell you like I told Laurie: it’s not easy for any of us. Some may make it look easy, but I promise you that it’s not.

Easy? No.

Worth it? Absolutely.

“I don't want to be 20 again,” says Laurie. “But I don't want to feel so old either. I want energy. I want to get out of bed without groaning for at least thrity more years.  I want to run again.  I want to feel muscles again. I want to see a collarbone again.”

“Am I certain I will follow-through?” she continues. “No, I am not. But do I want to stop with the excuses?  Yep. Would I like someone there cheering for me? Yes, that would be pretty awesome.  Do I want someone there to ask the hard questions? Yep. It’s not about shame or guilt;  it’s about taking responsibility.”

Laurie’s story reminds me of the man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer. He goes to a lawyer, telling him that he really, really doesn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer tells him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right. When the man is eventually sent to prison, he doesn’t have a dime.

Okay, that doesn’t really remind me of Laurie’s story, but if I’m going to be working with a lawyer here, you’re gonna have to expect a few lawyer jokes along the way.

Measurements (in inches):

Neck - 15.75
Upper arm - 15.5
Chest - 46
Waist - 43.5
Hips - 49
Upper thigh - 28
Calf - 18



  1. Whoa! That opening statement got my attention. Lawyers aren't all bad... perhaps you've just had a bad experience with one. Mostly, good people. And most of us appreciate a good lawyer joke!!!

  2. Ah - the old "Cupcake and TV Diet," eh?
    Good advice not to follow!

  3. I can so relate to this story! That was my starting weight (same height). I also used to be thin, but got fat after kids (just got busy & a bit lazy). Go Laurie!

  4. another cheerleader for Laurie here!

  5. Go Laurie! I'm always there to cheer...wish I could get a cheering section as well! I've actually been thinking I need to pay a counselor to get to the root of my evils with food...not sure yet...but good luck, Laurie!

  6. Go Laurie Go!!! I look forward to following you in your journey and celebrating your success!!!!


  8. Thanks Jack, this has absolutely made my day.

    Three cupcakes eaten and four more to go :)

    DVR full of Housewives for the next two weeks.

    I am so glad Jack opened my eyes to cupcakes and TV. This has been the easiest...wait, I weigh 3 lbs more than 30 minutes ago...WT.

    Thanks for every cheer. I know it doesn't make it easier, really, but it sure makes it seem that way.

  9. TV and cupcakes? How can I get that plan to work for me? :)

    You can do it, Laurie! I have no problems with cheering for lawyers. I can't wait to read about your progress.

  10. Good luck to you Laurie can't wait to go along with you and Jack.

  11. Nice to meet you, Laurie. Look forward to reading your deposition!

  12. Hello Laurie! Good luck and good eating!

  13. Good Luck Laurie and, by the way, your aunt is a trip...

  14. Good luck laurie...and wow, your aunt's a doozy.

  15. Best of luck to you Laurie...looking forward to following along with you and Jack..

  16. Good luck Laurie! If you need more inspiration, check out! (I love that blog almost as much as Jack's, don't tell him, though)

  17. You can do it, Laurie! Look how many people are already rooting for you.

    And believe me, you have the same (ok, similar) family issues that I do so pop on over to my blog, daily, for the next few weeks, because I'm working out all of my family sh*t right now too!

    Vee at

  18. You can do it, Laurie!! My heart hurts for what your aunt said to you- so cruel. But now you are going to get healthy and strong!!

  19. good luck laurie, being a lawyer can be really tough on losing weight and staying fit, but there are plenty of us out there with you...and jack, we only send you a bill when we talked to someone we think looks like you, because by the time that we finish talking to him and realize he is not you, we have now had an epiphany about the winning strategy for your case :)



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