Okay,
Kool-Aid man, Sh*t Heads and Pisa.
You ready?
Seems like everybody's on a diet,
No wonder our pants are so tight. When the food comes first, And the fitness comes second, Time to stop for a minute and Think.
Why is everybody so sendintary? Actin’ like this stuff’s extra scary. Got love handles on your sides And on your rear end besides, And you feel like you wanna go hide.
Everybody eat a little less (yeah) Everybody sweat every day (ha) Can you feel that? (yeah) We're changing our lives, okay?
It's all about the body, body, body . Wanna make a better body, body, body. Wanna get outta these fat pants, Feel good about our nice bod. It’s all about the (uh) cha-change cha-change. All about the (yeah) ba-blog ba-blog /
Wanna join the health squad, We’re here to make a nice bod.
Okay! I need to take you back in the past, When we all suffered from a fat ass. We were eatin’ nachos, Little Debbie HoHo’s, Was I the only one pigging out? Why is everybody so obese? Turning every meal into a feast. Can we all slow down and enjoy right now . Guarantee we'll be feeling healthy.
Everybody eat a little less (yeah) Everybody sweat every day (ha) Can you feel that? (yeah) We're changing our lives, okay? It's all about the body, body, body . We wanna make a better body, body, body. Wanna get outta these fat pants, Feel good about our nice bod. It’s all about the (uh) cha-change cha-change. All about the (yeah) ba-blog ba-blog . Wanna join the health squad, We’re here to make a nice bod.
Yeah yeah, Well, keep your mouth shut, And get your sweat on. Just give your best shot, You’re not too far gone. And you can, can change your life, Leave bad habits behind And all you… All you need is effort and desire. And guess what? A Few weeks in, You’ll be feelin’ the fire. Eatin’ healthy food (including plenty of fiber). It’s like this, man, you can’t put a price on your health. We do this for ourselves so we can sleep good at night. It’s true we may stumble and fall occasionally. Yeah, we might stall out or struggle painfully. But we’re gonna keep on with this journey. Yeah, I’m too burly, but it’s still kinda early.
It's all about the body, body, body We wanna make a better body, body, body Wanna get outta these fat pants, Feel good about our nice bod. It’s all about the (uh) cha-change cha-change. All about the (yeah) ba-blog ba-blog Wanna join the health squad, We’re here to make a nice bod.
All about the body, body, body . We wanna make a better body, body, body. Wanna get outta these fat pants, Feel good about our nice bod. It’s all about the (uh) cha-change cha-change. All about the (yeah) ba-blog ba-blog. Wanna join the health squad, We’re here to make a nice bod.
Yeah, yeah, Oo-oooh ... It’s all about the nice bod.
Welcome to another installment of the internet's least popular culinary show, "Cooking with Jack." As Julia Child once noted, "Got
more time for misbehavin’….since I started microwaving…!!" Keeping that
spirit in mind (and deciding it was too hot to turn on the oven), I've
decided to share a quick and easy salsa recipe.
Take a mango. Did you know that mangoes are members of the Anachardiaceae family? You did? Then you're a bigger nerd than I thought. Well then, I guess you know that they're also distant relatives of the cashew, pistachio, Jamaica plum and (no kidding) poison ivy/poison oak. Ayyyyy! I got some on me!
This recipe is so freakin' quick and easy that I'm going to waste some time teaching you the coolest trick you can do with a mango. I'm serious! Cut each side as close to the core as possible, so that you have two big slices.
Now take your knife and slice a grid all the way to (but not through) the outer skin.
If it doesn't look like this, go back to the beginning of this post (do NOT collect $200!) and start over.
Apply gentle pressure from the back of the mango skin, and get ready...
...FOR ME TO BLOW YOUR FREAKIN' MIND!
Amaze your kids! Impress your guests! Get off to a really bad start at a job interview!
Okay, enough fun and games. It's salsa time! Cut the mango up and put it in your own fiery salsa bowl.
Now take a cucumber. Hey, that reminds me of a joke: What's green and has wheels? A cucumber with wheels. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, peel, seed and cut up the cucumber, being careful not to cut yourself from laughing so hard you shake.
You say "to-may-to", I say "luscious piece of summer deliciousity"...
Choppity, chop, chop.
(singing) It's beginning to look a lot like Salsa-mas.
Add a dash of lime and the juice from one salt container...
Si, El Diablo... I almost forgot to add the japaleño pepper. (Note: ever since I went to the Fair a dozen or so years ago and heard a vendor hawking "Fresh cornbread with jap-aleno peppers, " I've been calling them "japalenos". It's just more fun to say!
You can add cilantro if you (a) have cilantro and (b) don't hate cilantro.
Gym memberships, organic food, fancy running shoes… let’s face it: good health can be expensive.
However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be. Follow these tips to fix yourself up without going broke…
• If you’ve got a sharp pocketknife, there’s no reason you can’t whittle yourself an elliptical.
• Peel those heavy, heavy banana skins before the cashier weighs them.
• Purchasing music is expensive and pirating music is wrong, so just compose, perform and record your own hit songs.
• Make your own Greek yogurt by Greeking up some regular yogurt.
• Eating out is really expensive so plan to eat a lot more meals at home or develop effective “dine-and-dash” strategy.
• Most personal trainers charge between $50 and $75 per session, but if you pay up front for ten or twelve, they may throw in a free session. Free personal training session! I just saved you $50 to $75! Who said I don’t know what I’m talking about? I’m serious! Who said it? Who?
• You can make your own kettlebells at home by creating a mold and pouring hot metal into it (if you have a home foundry, that is).
• Instead of buying expensive fitness books, just read them at the library. And instead of joining an expensive health club, just work out at the library. And instead of going to expensive farmer’s market, just root around in the fridge in the employee break-room at the library.
• Jumping rope is a really inexpensive way to get in an effective cardio workout; you just have to pay a couple of high-school kids to twirl the ropes for you.
• Using coupons are a good way to save money and get your heart-rate up, especially when you loudly argue with the check-out girl that you should be able to use that half-off Vlassic pickle coupon on a carton of skim milk.
Thanks
to everyone who's taken the time and effort to participate in this
project. I really do appreciate the fantastic (and clever) contributions
that have come through here. And it's still not too late to send me
your card as well. Email me atjacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com (and be sure to add your blog link if you want that included).
