Special thanks to Fitbloggin' speaker and roller derby enthusiast Jim Doran for inspiring this post and to all my Fitbloggin' buddies who graciously agreed to appear here. Wait... did I remember to ask anyone's permission? Hmmm....
The legend began in the Mariott downtown,
The one that’s near Baltimore Harbor.
The place, it turns out, is without any doubt
The perfect spot for a healthy-life blogger.
When the bloggers unite, it’ll be quite a sight,
When the event called Fitbloggin’ gets started.
The folks, those who dare, will see things changing there.
They’ll be heading to waters uncharted.
Cuz Roni, the hostess, lost most of her focus,
Because pregnancy hormones were ragin’.
What made her go ruin, this event that she’s doin’,
This wonderful conference she’s stagin’?
She must’ve been hard pressed to come up with some guests,
When she agreed to let Jack Sh*t be in it.
Planning this summit, she’d probably re-thunk it.
If she’d studied on it for more than a minute.
As the days drew nearer, Roni looked in the mirror,
And realized the mistake she was makin’
Cuz Jack was the strangest guest ever invited
(With the possible exception of @nomorebacon).
Now the hour’s drawing close for all those bloggin’ pros.
The conference is practically on us .
Bag’s getting packed up and Jack’s getting jacked up.
It’ll be lots of fun, that I promise.
Come hear me babble at the Humor bloggging panel;
I’m sure that some laughs we’ll be sharin’.
With a woman named Charlie and a Fatass who’s gnarly,
There’s sure to be plenty of swearin’.
And it ought to be fun at that big 5K run,
When I put on my shoes and go joggin’.
But leave me alone if I’m typin’ on my phone
Cuz I don’t wanna get behind on my bloggin’.
Does anyone know how this train-wreck will go,
When the party rolls into the nighttime?
Will attendees complain, that Jack Sh*t’s such a pain?
Roni, please can he be banned for a lifetime?
The legend’ll live on from Baltimore on down,
To the that fitchat event where you log in.
This conference, they say, went straight to Hell the day
That Jack Sh*t joined the folks at Fitbloggin’.
Here’s everything I know about FitBloggin’: ______________________.
However, when I saw that this healthy living conference was accepting applications for speakers, I decided that I’d throw my chapeau into the ring.
Planning is underway and we’re seeking dynamic speakers like you!
I’m getting a little bit antsy that I haven’t heard back from the FitBloggin’ folks yet. After all, my application was, as the Queen of England might say, “kick-ass”…
Please use the form below to submit your session ideas.
Name:
Jack Sh*t
Blog:
Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit
Area of Expertise? * Certified trainer? Been blogging for over 5 years? Tell us what makes you special.
Online humorist who has become one of the most popular diet/weight loss/healthy living bloggers on the planet (Earth) while losing a tremendous amount (80+ pounds) of weight. I'm also a motivating motivator, innovative innovator and, though very few people know this, somewhat of a celebrity... plus I coined the phrases "hump day," "my bad" and "coin the phrase". I'm also a ventriloquist (except you can see my lips move... how do those other guys keep their lips from moving anyway?)
Sessions/Presentation Idea? * What would you like to present about? Blogging or fitness topics welcome!
• How to Be a More Creative Blogger • Nude Zumba for Beginners • Is Pig Latin Right for Your Blog? • 1,001 Weigh-ins... Scaling the Unscaleable... Um... Scale • You Know You Love It When I Talk Diet-y • Maybe You Should Just Give Up... • If You Think Losing Weight's Impossible, Then You Don't Know This Guy
Co-presenters names and blogs? Are there others you would like to present this topic with?
The girl that was in that movie with that dude from that TV show
Would you session require and special equipment? List anything you would require for your session if anything.
• Supremes-style trio of back-up singers (for intro song) • Projector (for projecting) • Roll of absorbent paper towels (for flop sweat) • FLAMING HOOP OF DEATH (for the finalé) • One gallon of peanut M&M's with the peanuts removed (I'm allergic)
