Sunday, November 13, 2011

Happy Bidet!

For the next few weeks, Jack Sh*t is chronicling his adventures on his recent trip to Italy as well as including tips to help you plan your own international travel. It is his special way of saying "Nanna nanna boo boo, I went to Italy!" to all his loyal readers.

 Anita: Jack! Did you pee in the bidet?

Jack: What? That little croissant you brought back from breakfast? I don’t think so.

Anita: No, the bidet. In the bathroom.

You mean the urinal?

Anita explains that the back-up toilet in our hotel room isn’t a back-up toilet at all; it’s a specialized  device that’s apparently supposed to be used only for cleaning your… ummmm…  whisker biscuit (woman), Russell The One-Eyed Wonder Muscle (man) or Stink Tube (woman or man).

Like most Americans, I’m completely flummoxed by the whole idea of bidets. "Why can foreigners just use toilet paper like God meant for them to?” I ask Anita.

She explains it like this: “Imagine you’re traveling overseas, and you check into a hotel. When you get to your room, you come to find out that you don't have a shower or tub in your room. You look around the hallway, but there’s not one anywhere to be found. You ask at the desk about where you should take a shower, and the desk clerk explains that what you ought to do is just rub dry tissue paper all over your body. That is the very best way of getting clean.”

Jack: So let me get this straight... you want me to sit on this one, then sit on that one?

Anita: Yes, to wash yourself.

Jack: You’re sure about this?

Anita: Yes I’m sure.

Jack: Well, that airplane meal is coming in for a landing, so I'll let you know in a few minutes.


  1. Well, I guess you cut down on TP costs, but think about the water bill. Hey, I just thought - don't you have to dry off afterwards? Or maybe they have one of those blow-dryers like in dept. store restrooms.

  2. So how did it go? Inquiring minds want to know... ;-)

    I don't "get" bidets, either. I'll stick to good ole TP, thank you very much.

    Love your blog, BTW!

  3. What got me about the bidet in our very expensive hotel on Lake Como is that there was bar soap! I'm not going to use anyone else's a$$ soap. If I have to use a bidet, for the love of God, at least provide liquid soap. Ewww.

    I had a good time looking at the bidet, but didn't have the nerve to try one. Not after the epic failure with the squat toilet in McDonald's in Rome.

  4. I'd love to see and hear your reaction to the toilets of the Middle East. Literally a hole in the floor with a cut off water hose/spiket (sp?)looking thing on the wall. UGH I'm female and you'd be surprised at what you can do standing ;) HA.


  5. Well i guess different country also different culture as well but most countries still using toilet paper.

  6. Funny I just posted recently and had a mention of the first time I saw a bidet and a urinal. I had my hands all in the things. The urinal (at age nine) was at a university pool on the wall in the pool area. I almost drank from it. I concluded in my child mind analysis that they were both some baby bath device, but I really questioned the engineering. LOL
    Italy sounds so exciting. Molto bella lingua (very beautiful language.

  7. ahhhh
    cultural differences.

    intriguing and NOT :)

  8. They're good for washing sand off your feet after a visit to the beach.

  9. FYI: a bidet does not substitute toilet paper! I'd say it's a complement, pretty much as washing your hands after using the restroom!



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