Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Imaginary? Maybe. Inspiring? Definitely!

By now you’ve probably already heard the story of the football player and the tragic death of his imaginary girlfriend.



The death of Notre Dame football star Manti Te’o’s beautiful, brave girlfriend Lennay Kekau – widely reported by Sports Illustrated, CBS and many other media outlets — turned out to be an elaborate hoax.



What hasn’t been reported has been the made-up young lady’s remarkable battle with obesity.



The weight started climbing up when she started at her fictional college. She gained the freshman 15, as many so often do, but followed that up with the less-publicized sophomore sixty. Her self-esteem was nonexistent.



And then one day as she was talking to her imaginary roommate Tiffany, she had an epiphany.



Maybe this is all in my mind, she thought. Maybe changing the way I view food and exercise will change things for me. 



Six months later, she had lost nearly 100 pounds simply by making good choices and exercising each day. It was almost too much to believe.



We should be sad that this young imaginary girl is gone now, but we should also take a moment to recognize and celebrate the success she enjoyed during her too brief made-up life.

Monday, January 21, 2013

MLK Health Quotes

•  “Faith is taking the first step even when you haven’t trained a lick for that 10K race.” 


 •  “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, nor the silence of our friends, but how good we looked in our favorite jeans.”


•  “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to remember that being active is a key component to good health.” 


•   “Let no man pull you so low as to eat an entire cheesecake.” 


•  “Never, never be afraid to eat what’s right, especially because the well-being of your whole being is at stake. Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict upon ourselves when we do not control our appetites.” 


•  “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands on the scale, but how his clothes fit him.” 


• “Only in the darkness can you see the stars. And a long walk at night is a great way to burn a few extra calories.” 


•  “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance, conscientious stupidity and those Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing at Outback Steakhouse.”


•  “Everybody can be great...because anybody can get fit. You don’t have to have a college degree to get fit. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to get fit. You only need a heart full of commitment and desire. A soul generated by love of self.” 


•  “Ice cream anywhere is a threat to waistlines everywhere.” 


•  “If a man is called to be a blogger, he should blog even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should blog so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great blogger who did his job well… way better than that Jack Sh*t fella.'” 


•  “Healthiness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” 


•  “Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree, because apples are low in calories,contain no saturated fats or cholesterol and are rich in dietary fiber.”

•  “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by how much they weigh, but by the content of their character.” 


•  “I’ve been to the mountaintop… do you realize what an incredibly effective workout hiking is?”

•  

“There comes a time when one must take the position that is neither comfortable nor fun nor easy, but he must do it because his body tells him it is right.” 


•  “No person has the right to rain on your dreams or make fun of the way you do push-ups. GIRL PUSH-UPS AREN’T NECESSARILY JUST FOR GIRLS!.” 


•  “Life’s two most persistent and urgent questions are 'What are you doing for others?' and 'Do you really need to eat that entire basket of fries?'”


 •  “Fat-free at last, fat-free at last, Thank God almighty I’ve found a good-tasting yogurt that’s fat-free at last.”


•   “The day we see the truth and cease to overeat is the day we begin to diet.” 


Sunday, January 20, 2013

Lose 10 Lbs in 5 Minutes!

Every so often, an enticing offer plops down into my email crapbox…

 “Lose 10 lbs in 5 minutes” screams the subject line.

I know what you’re thinking: How ridiculous.

I know what else you’re thinking: How does Jack know what I’m thinking all the time? That’s really creeping me out!

Most people will chuckle to themselves as they hit the delete button on those over-promising messages.

I mean, after all, that’s impossible!

Except…

Maybe it’s not so preposterous, when you stop and think about it.

I know for a stone-cold fact that if I eat the right things and work out often enough, I will consistently lose weight.

And that all starts with a faster-than-five-minute flipping of the switch.

From tuned out to dialed in.

From drifting and in disarray to focused and on fire.

Lose 10 lbs in 5 minutes?

I’m going to lose 10 lbs

Right.

This.

Second.



THE (SEMI)WEEKLY PHYSIQUELY
Last weigh-in: 241.2 lbs.
Loss: --.2









Friday, January 18, 2013

Healthy Living on the Road

  • Start any long travel day with a good, nourishing enema.
  • Keep a magic marker on you so that you can log all of your food on your arm.
  • If your hotel doesn’t have a fitness center, you can easily make one by getting a second room, buying a bunch of fitness equipment and stowing it all in there.
  • If you're going to be consuming any alcohol during your travels, remember the old health adage “candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.” I'm not exactly sure why you should remember that, but it's vitally important that you do.
  • Ask the hotel concierge to arm wrestle.
  • The mini-bar is dangerous territory for dieters. Immediately pour all liquids down the drain and flush all chips, cookies and large-sized candy bars. The peace of mind you receive will more than make up for the $4,000 the hotel will charge your credit card.
  • Keep plenty of raw fruits and vegetables, string cheese, bottled or boxed juices, nuts and … oh, that’s not going to happen!
  • A basic workout of situps, push ups, jumping jacks, yoga and stretching can be done during virtually any business meeting.
  • It’s important to stay hydrated when you travel, so carry plenty of water balloons in your briefcase.
  • While on the plane, run as fast as you can from one end of the plane to the other waving your arms wildly.
  • To make it easier not to overeat while traveling, be sure and go to restaurants you don’t like and order food that you hate.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Do Your Chins Hang Low?

Do your chins hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Do you have a turkey neck?
Can you knead ‘em like bread dough?
Do they make you say “Oh dear-a!”
When you look into a mirror?
Do your chins hang low?

Do your sides hang wide?
Do they flap from side to side?
Does your belly kinda flop?
Do you have a muffin top?
One of the low-waisted types?
Do you look real bad in stripes?
Do your sides hang wide?

Is the weight coming down?
Have you quit messing around?
Are you starting to eat less?
Are you making good progress?
Are you starting to believe it,
That you really can achieve it?
Is the weight coming down?

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Healthy-Living Health Tips for College Students in College

• Use my secret recipe for “Cola Water” (half cola, half water); it’s got half the sugar and calories as regular cola!

• You can make sure that you get plenty of sleep each week by researching and scheduling the most uninteresting classes taught by the most boring professors.

• You can turn your dorm bed into an exercise trampoline by… well… just by jumping on it, I guess.

• Replace frat-party beer keg with vat of fresh-squeezed carrot juice.

• Choose whole-wheat crust for your breakfast pizza.

• Streaking burns over 750 calories per hour.

• Build strong arm muscles by taking an astrophysics class; have you seen the size of that textbook?

• Get your heart rate to maximum level by running up and down 20 flights of stairs or forgetting to study for your midterm exams.

• Alternate wheatgrass and tequila shots.

• Try eating fresh healthy food and getting plenty of exercise instead of what you normally do.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Superfreakily Fit



She's a very healthy girl.

The kind that don’t eat Quarter Pounders.

You will not believe the way she runs,
When you see her on the street,
Ow girl.



She likes the boys with the blogs;

She says that I'm her all-time favorite.
When she’s cooking, she always uses olive oil
She's never uses grease, ow no.

That girl is pretty healthy.

The girl is super fit.

The kind of girl you read about
In fitness magazines.

That girl is pretty stinky

The girl is super fit.
She really needs to shower,
After she works out.

But she's all right, she's all right
.
That girl's all right with me, yeah



She is super fit, super fit
She's super-fitty, yow

(everybody sing)

Super fit, super fit.


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