Best Weight Loss iPhone Apps

• App that screams at you in Spanish if you try to order cheese dip



• App that squirts you in the face with pepper spray if you go three 
days without blogging

• 

App that automatically calculates how many calories are in those 100-
calorie packs 



• App that provides impressive fake heart rate number so other people at the 
gym will be impressed



• App that features 100, 000 recipes that taste horrible

• App that emits deafening siren when it senses you’re trying to order at a drive-thru window

• 

App that gives you marathon-running advice, such as "whatever you do, for God’s sake,
 don't run in a marathon!”

• App where you tape a popsicle stick to the back of your iPhone and it helps you pretend it’s a fudgesicle

• App that calculates how many sit-ups you could have done if that TV show you really wanted to watch hadn’t been on

• App that wirelessly hooks up to your scale, transfers your weight to 
your computer then automatically transfers the number to your computer’s trash can

• App that exercises for you



• App that turns your iPhone into a ThighMaster



• App that calculates calories burnt tweeting

• App that makes you forget what pie tastes like



THE DAILY SCALEY

Thought changing to black-and-white would 

create big loss... it's like color hardly weighs a thing!

Goodbye, Italy. Goodbye, iPhone.

Here’s my problem: when a plane I’m traveling on lands, I’m ready to get off RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.

My wife Anita said that on our next trip, I have to sit perfectly still until everyone else has left the plane, then slowly and casually get up from my seat, check that I have everything I started with and make certain I have the right bag.

Had we been following that protocol, I wouldn’t have jumped up out of my seat and had my iPhone fall out of my lap without me noticing it.

We were in Paris, and were on a long shuttle between gates when I realized that it was missing. Grrrrr…

I found an Air France representative who – miracle of miracles – was friendly and spoke some English. She made some calls and managed to get someone to board the plane and look under my seat, where they found my phone. My lucky day, right?

Nope, because she can’t get anyone to bring it over, even though I’m offering all of my remaining euros to anyone who’ll exhibit the tiniest amount of customer service.

The lady at the Air France desk is confident that my phone will be returned to me in short order and gives me an email address to write to in order to arrange delivery of the phone, which is going over to Bag Services. I make her repeat the email address three times, and then look over it to see if it’s correct.

I realize this isn’t going to end well when I send an email an hour or so later, while sitting on my flight back home, and get a bounce-back message telling me that it’s an invalid email address.

I spent the next two weeks explaining, begging, screaming, arguing and berating Air France employees. The bad news: my phone mysteriously disappeared again.

The good news: I learned to say “You suck!” in French (“Vous sucez!”).

I'm Too Texty for My Shirt...