More Tips for Eating Healthier at Restaurants

• Spit is extremely low-calorie so be sure to berate your waitress, complain endlessly and send the entrée back at least twice.

• This may come as something of a shock to you, but fried cheese has quite a few calories and an excess of fat.

• Asking for your salad dressing served on the side is a healthier option and worth putting up with the waiter smirking “Here you go, Little Lord Fancybritches.”

• Don’t order pie a la mode a la mode.

• It’s easier not to overeat if you order something you really don’t like.

• Soup can be made more low calorie by pouring your glass of water into the bowl.

• Resist the urge to wheel the dessert cart out into the back alley and scarf up everything on it.

• Don’t order any entrée that has a defribulator symbol next to it on the menu.

Tips for Eating Healthier in a Restaurant

• Don’t fill up on bread unless it takes longer than 45 seconds for your food to arrive.

• Make any soup more low calorie by dumping a glass of water into it.

• When you order a salad, have the frosting served on the side.

• When you order a grilled cheese sandwich, have them leave off the cheese and bread.

• Ever see someone dabbing at their slice of pizza with a paper napkin? Since one tablespoon of olive oil has nearly 120 calories, grab the slice with both hands and wring that mother out.

• Thin crust pizza has fewer calories than thick crust pizza, due to the fact that the crust is thinner, dumbass.

• Leave keys in your automobile so that you can enjoy a healthy walk home after your car’s stolen.

• Order just one entrée.

• Salt your food with anything but salt.

• Select foods prepared with healthier cooking techniques, such as steaming, grilling, roasting, stir-frying or simply having chef slap it a couple of times with a spatula.

• Order tiramisu but make sure you share it with everyone in the restaurant.

THE DAILY SCALEY

The road to health is paved with good intestines.