Breaking In My New DirectLife Coach

A few months back, I was invited to try out the Philips DirectLife activity monitor, an amazing device that turns my pocket into a portable activity monitor headquarters. A key part of the DirectLife program is access to your own personal DirectLife coach. 

Hi Jack,

I hope you're doing well today. I just wanted to check in and see how your activity has been doing over the past few weeks and it looks great! I did notice that your weekend activity has been a bit lower
though. Is there a reason for that Jack?

I ask more out of curiosity because you are still achieving a healthy level of activity on those days, which is great. I'm more interested in the pattern and what is missing on the weekends that you're doing during the week. All in all, it looks very good Jack. Keep working on that frequent movement and let me know if there's anything you need my help with.

Have a great and active day!

Coach Erin

Dear DirectLife Coach Erin,

Is there a reason my weekend activity seems to be a bit lower than the rest of the week? Well, let me tell you a little story, DirectLife Coach Erin…

The story is abut a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He's enjoying the wind and the fresh air – until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore. “My God, this terrible”,the wave says. “Look what's going to happen to me!”

Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him: “Why do you look so sad?” The first wave says: “You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?”

The second wave says: “No, you don't understand. You're not a wave, you're part of the ocean.”

You may recognize that story from  Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. I was lounging around reading it this weekend. I was exercising my mind, DirectLife Coach Erin. Brain activity is still activity, or does your fancy device not measure that?

Just remember, DirectLife Coach Erin… when you point a finger at me, there are four fingers pointing back at you (I’m assuming that when you point at somebody, you screw your thumb back in a weird unnatural way, by the way).

Take care,

Jack

Hi Jack,

It's good to hear back and learn more about your weekend activity. Reading is a nice hobby and a great way to exercise your brain indeed, especially if you've found a good book, which it sounds like you have.

As I said, you're still reaching a healthy level of activity on the weekends, so keep that up! If you're interested in ways to make reading more physically active (in addition to the mental activity), I
can give you some tips. Just let me know, otherwise enjoy your book and the exercise that your brain is getting!

Best regards,

Coach Erin

Dear DirectLife Coach Erin,

You think I don't already know what you're gonna say? That I can get somebody to sit in the sidecar of a motorcycle and read a book to me while I run down the street? What about the noise from the motorcycle muffler, DirectLife Coach Erin? Plus, I only have hearing in one ear because I fell through the ice when I was a little kid and we were sledding on the thin ice at Bedford Falls Lake. If my brother George hadn't leaped in to save me, I don't know what would have happened...

BTW, I think I lost some activity when the monitor fell out of my pocket while I was on the elliptical at the gym the other day; the only good thing was that the lady that found it on the floor asked me about it and I said "Oh my God, my pacemaker came out again!" You should have seen the look on her face!

Okay, DirectLife Coach Erin, bring on your activity tips if you want to; my old DirectLife Coach Jen said she was going to send me some activity pointers, but every time I'd open one of her files, it was just more of her crappy pastel drawings of her cat, Chester.

Let's both try to have the most active weekend humanly possible.

Your pal,

Jack

You Say Goodbye, And I Say Hello

In case you're new to these parts, I've been giving an extended trial run to the Philips DirectLife activity monitor, a handy little electronic doodad that, through a strange mix of science and sorcery, tracks your daily movement and converts in to calories burned. The DirectLife program also includes ongoing communication with your own personal coach... or at least I thought it did until I received the following email...

Dear dear Jack,



This is actually going to be a Dear Jack letter. ;-(  (aka Dear John..)



You see, I am taking on a new role within DirectLife and this means that I will no longer be your coach. This makes me sad dear Jack, however I know that I will be able to keep up to date on your progress by reading your blog - thankfully!



What does this mean for you? My colleague Erin will be your coach. She will have access to your activity data and I'll bring her up to speed on your excellent progress so far.



If you have any concerns please do let me know. We all want to ensure that you feel well taken care of and that you continue to have the support during your DirectLife program.



Jack, it has been a grand pleasure working with you! Your humor, enthusiasm, dedication and motivation is always so wonderful to work with and so often you brought a big smile to my face just when I saw that there was an email from you. Like Sleepless in Seattle.

Thank you. I sincerely hope that you have learned a thing or two about activity while working with me and that you carry these with you asyou continue with DirectLife - and beyond!

All the best in your journey to the fittest man in the US - I'm on your team and cheering you on every step of the way!



Jen

Dear DirectLife Coach Jen

I'm so sorry that all my bitching and moaning about my broken DirectLife activity monitor has apparently gotten you demoted. I hope you haven't been busted down to Junior Market Intelligence Analyst like my good friend Antonio Galván Puente, but if there's one thing you should take away from the experience, it is this: the customer is always right. When I say the activity monitor broke BEFORE I put it in the dryer, you really need to take my word for it and not make me get on the horn to Old Man Philips and complain about shoddy customer service.



But don't let my stinging words, my harsh criticism or the fact that I got you transferred from a job you love take anything away from our experience together. I hope that we can continue inspiring each other in the future, you being inspired by reading my blog and me being inspired by the fact that you're now paying a monthly subscription fee for reading my blog. It's a win-win situation!

I have a few questions about DirectLife Coach Erin before I sign off on her as my activity partner:



1) Is "DirectLife Coach Erin" really a made-up person and part of an elaborate practical joke on your part, kind of like when I signed up for DirectLife under the funny fake name "Tony Posnanski"?
2) If she is indeed a real person, what's her social security number?

3) If it is 0 degrees Fahrenheit one day and it's twice as cold the next day, how cold is it the next day?

Sleepless in Seattle? Is that the one where Tom Hanks changes into a little boy and gets stuck on a deserted island? (I've been a big Hanks fan every since his first role as Ponzi on Happy Days). I enjoyed our correspondence as well, DirectLife Coach Jen, because it made me more closely examine my activity aspirations and my commitment to my fitness goals and, frankly, the very meaning of life as we understand it.

Good luck on your new assignment, DirectLife Coach Jen, and if you ever need anything, I'll be driving around in my car somewhere. No, wait... I'll be walking or running around somewhere (that is... IF I get my new activity monitor).



It's been a pleasure and a privilege.



Take care,

Jack

Hello Jack,



Remember me? I'm Erin, your new coach, and I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know that I'm here just as Jen was, to help you through the program and to help you become the fittest man in the US  ;o)



I see that support has gotten a new Activity Monitor sent out, and based on your recent dock this morning, I take it that you've received it? If so, welcome back! Your morning is already off to a great start with activity and I look forward for the days, weeks, and months that are yet to come! 

I'm here if you need anything, Jack, so stay in touch
 and let me know how I can help.



Have a great day!

Erin

Hey DirectLife Coach Erin,



I was saddened and shocked to see that DirectLife Coach Jen had been sacked for stealing office supplies; in hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to open an online store called "DirectLife Coach Jen's Discount Office Supplies," but live and learn...



So now it's time for you to learn a little more about me: I used to be a Gemini, but apparently there's been some shake-up at the Department of Horoscopes and I've been reassigned. I just don't know how I feel about that, DirectLife Coach Erin. I hope you haven't been affected by this astrological atrocity, but if you have, don't worry... we'll get through these dark days together. On the upside, I'm supposed to meet a handsome stranger this week, so I got that to look forward to...



As for activity, I am off to a running start, as you correctly pointed out. I've recently taken a new job as a Knife-Thrower's Assistant's Assistant. Basically, I just help the Knife-Thrower's Assistant with all of her duties and help tie her to the Spinning Wheel of Death. I also have to sharpen knives and sew sequins back onto her costume when they get knocked off. I also have to stand in for her when she's sick. Frankly, it's a lot more responsibility than I'm used to, and so far it's managed to keep me more active than some of my previous jobs.



Anyway, thanks for the note and for the offer to help me achieve my goals. You've got big shoes to fill (seriously, I think DirectLife Coach Jen wore a size 14... freaky!).

Take care,



Jack