The Azz

One day, on Fitness Flats,

There came an impasse,
With a Weight-Losing Azz
And a Weight-Gaining Azz.

And it happened that both of them were in a rut.
They were stuck. There they stood.
Face to Face. Gut to gut.

“Look here, now!” the Weight-Losing Azz said, “I say!
You are blocking my path. I’ve a workout today.
I’m a Weight-Losing Azz and though I’m stuck at this weight.
If I keep doing right, the results will be great.”

“That’s a dumb way to think!” snapped the Weight-Gaining Azz.
“You’re exercising too much, it’s affecting your mass.
You should do it MY way!  Just rest and have faith
That the scale doesn’t notice all the food that you ateth.”

Then the Weight-Losing Azz shook his head side to side.
“I never,” he said, “want to live extra-wide.
And I’ll prove to you that working out works.
Plus it provides you with energy and other great perks!”

“And I’ll prove to YOU,” yelled the Weight-Losing Azz,
“That I’ll lose weight without all that sweat-sweating jazz.
I know I can do it! I can manage my bigness

Without running and lifting and that sort of fitness.
Never sweat! That’s my rule. Never get yourself sweaty!
Never yuck up your clothes! Never smell like a Yeti!
I’ll stay here, not sweating! I can and you’ll witness.

I can lose weight without bothering with fitness.”

Well...
Of course his weight didn’t stand still. His weight grew.
He gained back what he’d lost before he was through.

But the other Azz kept on working, true to his word.

And his health got much better (tho his blog’s still absurd).