Thursday, December 22, 2011
Bad, Badder, Worstest... The Holiday Edition
Badder: You woke up splayed out in the fountain at the mall.
Worstest: You’re hooked up to a vodka IV right now.
Bad: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stocking.
Badder: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed the dog.
Worstest: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed Santa.
Bad: You’ve drunk your weight in eggnog.
Badder: You’ve thrown out all other food in your fridge so that you can keep more eggnog on hand.
Worstest: CNN does story about worldwide eggnog shortage and your name comes up repeatedly.
Bad: Pants are entirely too tight.
Badder: You’ve had to cut the necks out of all your turtleneck sweaters.
Worstest: You can’t find a shawl that fits.
Bad: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in December.
Badder: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in 2011.
Worstest: You realize that you have same muscular definition as newborn baby.
Bad: You ate 25 deviled eggs at a holiday party.
Badder: Hostess comes up to talk to you just as you’re jamming entire cheese ball in your mouth.
Worstest: You’re first to arrive at holiday party and food is all gone before second guest arrives.
Bad: You’ve succumbed to a peppermint bark addiction.
Badder: While in line at Starbucks to get Peppermint Mocha Latte, you’re plotting route on your phone to the next closest Starbucks to get another Peppermint Mocha Latte.
Worstest: Doc informs you that your blood type is “O positively peppermint”.
Bad: You’ve decided to put off your healthy living quest until the new year.
Badder: Gym is so busy in January that you’ve decided to wait until it clears out some.
Worstest: Decided that 2012 can just go to hell.