Thursday, December 1, 2011

Choosing a Rent-A-Car in Europe

For the next few days, Jack Sh*t is chronicling his adventures on his recent trip to Italy as well as including tips to help you plan your own international travel. It is his special way of saying "Nanna nanna boo boo, I went to Italy!" to all his loyal readers.

 There are a variety of choices available when it comes to renting a car in Italy. I've tried to provide some pros and cons of the most popular models available at the rent-a-car agencies.
The Dodge Deathtrap is somewhat safer than riding a bicycle, though not quite as fast. Pro: Easy to park. Con: Blows away in moderate winds.

The Ford Flapadoodle is a small yet sporty roadster that gets 75 kilometers per pint (tank holds two pints). Pro: Chicks think it's cute. Con: Can't get out of a pothole.

The Casalini Canoodle seats one and a half comfortably. Pro: Impossible to get speeding ticket. Con: Windshield made from Saran Wrap.

The Berkshire Brouhaha is a stylish, economical choice with enough trunk space to carry several pine cones. Pro: In accident, chances are other car won't have a scratch. Con: Only one pedal for clutch, gas and brake.

The Daimler Doodlebug offers plenty of headroom and can turn 360° in place. Pro: Dishwasher safe.  Con: Last mechanic that knows how to work on it died in 1997.

The Honda Hootenanny lets you basically go anywhere a motorcycle can go. Pro: Can fit into virtually any parking spot. Con: People constantly coming up to you and yelling "Was anybody hurt?"

The Fiat Flibbertigibbet has some parts that are actually made of metal. Pro: Glove compartment doubles as toaster oven. Con: Won't go in reverse.

 The Ford Filibuster provides more leg and headroom than you'd expect and fewer gears than you'd like (two). Pro: Fantastic gas mileage. Con: Zero to 50 in less than a week.

Oooooooooooooooooor... you can say "The hell with saving up for my retirement!" and go with the Peugeot 307 Coupé Cabriolet convertible like I did.

That's what I'm talking about!

 Ciaó, bitches.


  1. Seriously hilarious. I have nightmares about driving a tiny car on the wrong side the road on a roundabout in Scotland.

  2. And ain't it great you lost weight? I wouldn't be able to get into any of those cars yet! For skinny people only?
    How is the weight loss going? I imagine its hard in Rome.

  3. "Con: Can't get out of a pothole."

    Sure it can -- just pick the thing up and lift it out. :-)

  4. Please please pretty please can you pack that Fiat Bambino in your suitcase & bring it home to me? I want it - thanks.

  5. "Ciao, bitches" made me laugh out loud. Like, the real kind, not the lol kind.



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