Bodfather: A Little Less to Love

Subject #1 in the "Bodfather" 

Witness Reduction Program: Kerensa
First Check-in

Height: 5'7"
Starting weight:  254.8
Current weight: 249.2
Loss: 5.6 lbs.

It’s a dilemma.

Your big day – your wedding day – is there on the horizon.

You’ve got a reception to plan and you have to decide which crazy scripty font to put on your invitation.

And then there’s the matter of a dress.

Kerensa, the first participant in my “Bodfather” program, is scratching her head about when she should choose a wedding gown, given her recent success on the scale.

To those of you just checked in, my role as the Bodfather is to oversee a few selected individuals and give them any assistance I can as they work to lose weight and get more fit. Besides all the email support and encouragement I can muster, I’ve used my connections to hook them up with a free Philips DirectLife activity monitor to help them see how much (or how little) they’re moving during the course of a day.

Kerensa, a college student living in Oklahoma who’s always struggled with her weight, is getting married in June of next year and wants to be slimmer by summer. 

Which brings us back to the gown…

Does she go on and get one now and be mindful that it may have to be altered on account of her shrinking frame?

Does she wait a bit longer and see how this weight-loss business goes over the next few months?

Does she just paint her body white and drag a sheet behind her?

Kerensa is so confused about it that she’s actually asked my advice about the dress. Isn’t it enough that I’m riding shotgun on her weight-loss journey, catering the big event, giving her away at the ceremony and performing a medley of cowboy yodeling hits at the reception?

I’m sure that you’re going to provide her better advice on the wedding dress question than I’ve been able to thus far. I just want her to keep pushing herself, keep making smart choices about food, and keep rocking that scale.

And whatever dress she chooses, I hope it’s something that’s adjustable…



.

Excuses for a Sucky Weigh-In

• 

Blinded by fridge light; accidentally ate a cheesecake
  
  
• 
Stepped on scale left foot first instead of right foot first
  
  
• 
Forgot pre-weigh-in prayer
  
  
• 
Thought I was going to Zumba class but it turned out to be keg party
  
  
• 
Conspiracy at the highest levels of government
  
  
• 
Had gum in my mouth
  
  
• Forgot to exhale when I stepped on scale; lungs were full of heavy, heavy oxygen
  
  
• Don’t understand it; must have had a hundred fat-free brownies this week!
  
  
• 
Went ahead and had all I could eat at all-you-can-eat buffet
  
  
• 
Had Oreo coupon that was about to expire
  
  
• Pissed off voodoo witch-lady down in New Orleans
  
  
• Something in the air
  
  
• Misread recipe; it read “teaspoon” of olive oil and I thought it said “tablefull”
  
  
• Bad luck because I ate a black cat
  
  
• Weighed in the nude, but feel I could have been nuder
  
  
  
  .

All Strung Out

Weekly weigh-in: 218.1
Loss: +2.8
Total loss: -73.8
Emotion: On the rise

Here’s what you have to understand about me:  I’m a yo-yo when it comes to losing/gaining weight. All my life, I’ve lost huge amounts, then turned around and gained huge-er amounts.

Even now, I can feel the pull of history tugging on me, the gravity of old times and old ways. I am absolutely certain that without the anchor of this blog, without the security and support of a community of like-minded weight-loss warriors, I’d have ballooned on up already.

Now… now I can absorb a trip to Chicago, an extended period of inactivity due to my wife’s health problems and Thanks-freakin’-giving and post only a modest gain.

Speaking of my wife, thanks to all of you for the warm wishes, thoughtful prayers and healing vibes you sent Anita’s way last week. She’s doing much better, her vision creeping back a little more each day. We’re not out of the woods yet, but things look pretty positive right now.

And this week, I’m taking my daughter Holly to Baltimore and New York City to look at more artsy-fartsy colleges. I promised my youngest daughter Pisa that she could come with me the next time I went to NYC, but that was when I thought Anita was making the college trips; so I gotta make room in my suitcase to cram a lanky 11-year-old in.

I suspect I’ll overdo it a bit on our trip, but I’m also sure I’ll walk my ass off, and I know I’ll keep my wits about me and not go completely nuts with what I put in my mouth.

I’ve been a yo-yo’er my whole life.

Now I’m ready to cut the string.

Be Mindful, and Don’t Suffer

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I'm not only too lazy to write a new blog post, but also too much of a slacker to even go cut-and-paste something from my archive. Luckily, I've got pals who are a little more industrious than myself, so I call on them to share their own favorite older posts. This week, I shook down Foodie McBody from FoodFoodBodyBody and made her provide one of her own personal favorites. Now I can get back out there and do my holiday shoplifting. Now where's my list...




At least once a week I go someplace where I run into someone I haven’t seen in a few months or more. Since Before. And very often they will say, “HOW did you do this?!?” It’s hard to sum it up in a few words, because it truly is a long story, but I think my “elevator pitch” (code for how to pitch a book, or business proposal to an agent or funder in the time it takes to ride an elevator) would be “By being mindful, and not suffering.”

I know, it’s very Buddhist, right? But truly I think this is what has made All the Difference this time. I started attending a meditation class very soon after my pre-diabetes diagnosis. And the idea of being mindful- of paying attention – made a huge impact on my whole weight loss journey. I decided to really pay attention to everything  – to what I truly wanted to eat, and if eating was what I wanted at all, and how much to eat, and everything. It has been absolutely invaluable.

I loved that this week, in my WW mentoring session, the leader spoke a LOT about “being mindful.” I don’t know if he’s a Buddhist or not, but he did bring it up about 20 times during the meeting, and people were nodding and really getting it. I loved that.

Another big concept in Buddhism is that of Suffering.  I know that I have suffered mightily because of my weight and food issues, throughout my life. I suffered when I felt I was depriving myself of food I wanted, but I also suffered when I ate things for the Wrong Reasons (ie for comfort or distraction). I suffered from guilt and remorse, shame and self hatred. There was a LOT of suffering going on.

It’s been shocking for me to notice that this New Way has involved very little suffering, and I know that if I feel like I am suffering, it’s going to come back and bite me BIG time. So it’s important for me to never, ever sigh dramatically and say, “I guess I should eat THIS (salad?) instead of THAT.”

Because if I feel deprived in ANY WAY, shape or form, I’m going to overeat. Every single time. I have to find something that makes me HAPPY and satisfied, as well as being a good choice.  Salad is a good example. Sometimes I really crave and love and feel like eating salad. But often, if it’s a cold day or whatever, I want HOT FOOD.  Before, it would be a choice between two kinds of suffering: I’d have a cold salad and feel all deprived, OR I’d have .. I dunno, a huge plate of lasagne or fried chicken and THEN I’d suffer because I’d feel overstuffed, guilty and remorseful. And fat.

So the key is to really be MINDFUL and say, OK, I don’t want salad. (“Then don’t eat salad!”) I want hot food. OK, what kind of hot food will satisfy and yet not make me feel remorseful? Often it is SOUP. I have come to looooooooove soup very much. Because there are so many delicious kinds of soup and EVEN soup that is a bit rich (some cream in it, or meat) a cup of soup can go a very long way. There is a wonderful French food takeout place near my work that has two kinds of amazing soup every day. Usually that will be all I want for lunch, and it probably has WAY fewer calories than a salad with blue cheese, nuts, dressing, avocadoes etc etc.

I have had to build up my repertoire of foods that I both love and feel good about eating. This has taken some time and practice but now I feel like I have wonderful choices.

I still always have half-and-half in my coffee, because I have tried many alternatives (black coffee, skim milk in coffee, nonfat half and half) and they ALL make me suffer. I want my half-and-half. But I have made other changes that allow that to be okay. (more exercise, soup for lunch, etc)

So that’s my short answer for How I Did It (and how I intend to keep Doing It): Be mindful and don’t suffer.

Over and out.

Weight-Loss Projects From the Jack Sh*t Lab

• A light beer that tastes great, yet is less filling
  

• Pasta- and cheese-free mac-and-cheese
  
  
• An antidote to granola addiction
  
  
• Health s'mores
  
  
• Elliptican’t machine
  
  
• Scale that's just a little more understanding
  
  
• Robotic workout buddy
  
  
• Running shoes that actually do the running for you
  
  
• Sugar-free sugar
  
  
• Flesh-eating bacteria that goes away after it's eaten about fifty pounds or so
  
  
• Air pudding
  
  
• Personal trainer with a sense of humor
  
  
• Candy corn-on-the-cob
  
  
• Zumba in pill form
  
  
• Kettlebelt
  
  
• App that turns your iPhone into a scale when you stand on it
  
  
• Driver’s seat doohickey that gives you a painful wedgie when you try to order drive-thru at a fast food restaurant
  
  
• Cheese wine
  
  
• Blog widget that tells you when your latest post really sucks

Rinky-Dink

So... 

I'm taking Pisa and her pal roller skating last Saturday since she's been such a great kid and my wife Anita's seeing-eye monkey. Usually, when I take her and her friends skating, I get comfortable and spend a couple of hours farting around on my laptop.

 

But this time, Pisa asks how come I never go skating, too. I realize that I talk quite a bit about how one of the great benefits to living a more fit life is not having to sit on the sidelines, so...

 It's time to lace 'em up and show Pisa that her old man is still The Wheel Deal.

 Okay, this doesn't feel quite as stable as they did when I was thirteen. Was this a mistake or simply a bad idea?

 I tell the lady sitting at the table near our stuff to do me a solid and get ready to dial "911"...

I say a quick prayer to the Disco Gods to give me skill, balance and dexterity.

 Oh yeah, the kid's still got it. Did you know skating burns 350 calories per hour?

 Ten times around the track and I've only knocked down three little kids. Don't worry--I'll knock down more when I fully get my balance.

 Great! Pisa's skating backwards on her stupid inline skates! Better show her something she CAN'T do...

 

 Get up a load of speed and... WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!

"Ummmm, Dad? Maybe you oughta go sit down over there and fart around on your laptop for a while."

.

Bodfather: Last, But Not Least

Subject #5 in the "Bodfather"

Witness Reduction Program: Billie

 

Height: 5’4”
Current weight: 411 lbs.

When I began this “Bodfather” series, I went into it with a vague idea of the kind of person I wanted to participate in the project.

Someone with a huge hurdle in front of them.

Someone who maybe didn’t get the support or encouragement they needed to succeed.

Someone whose story might make others sit up and take notice.

My original idea was to just go with one individual, but after receiving over 100 interested applicants, I expanded it out to four.

Then I heard from Billie. At 400+ pounds, this thirty-something year-old homeschooling mom realizes that this is a make-it-or-break-it point in her life. But it wasn’t the amount of weight she’s looking to lose that convinced me that I wanted to be a part of Billie’s journey; it was her unflagging spirit that captured my imagination.

Billie’s spent far too long on the sidelines of her own life. She’s sick and tired of all the things she can’t be, all the things she can’t do.

“I am fully and painfully aware of, at all times, the limitations placed on me because of my size,” she told me recently. “About a year ago, when I was working out pretty steadily, I was walking into the Y when I heard a little girl say to her mom, ‘Mama, what did that woman do to her body?’

“I wish I had turned around and answered that little girl. Not harshly at all–she really wanted to know. And I hope her mama told her. I hope she didn’t just say, ‘Shhh–don’t say that honey, it’s not nice.’ I hope she told her all about how important it is to stay active, and eat your fruits and veggies, and not just eat because it tastes good and you want some more or because you’re sad/happy/angry.

“I hope she told her that just because I was bigger didn’t mean that I was any different from anyone else, that what mattered most when it came to people was what was on the inside, that someone can have a outwardly beautiful appearance and be unbearably ugly inside.”

Billie may be big, but she's been blessed with  thick skin, so she tries to live her live with as much humility and good grace as possible. She’s used to being pointed at, giggled at, smirked at. She may not like it, but she tries not to let it get her down.

“I am not particularly sensitive about my weight, or even the word fat,”, she says. “It’s simply an adjective. It’s the state I’m in now, not who I am. And I’m really okay with that, because I am doing what I can to move in the right direction.”

I’d like to take credit for creating the spark that’s slowly turning into a raging inferno inside of Billie, but I think I’m more of a witness than a catalyst. From the very first moment of our ongoing communication, Billie’s been more gung-ho about her weight-loss mission than anyone I’ve ever seen. She wants it badly, and she wants it now.

As Shakespeare once said, “What’s past is prologue.” Billie’s writing a new, brighter future for herself. She’s even started her own blog in order to document her successes and setbacks. She knows she's got a long road in front of her, but she’s ready... check that... she’s eager to get going.

Me? I can’t wait to see how her story turns out…


Measurements (in inches)

Biceps - 19
Waist  - 45.5
Hips - 74.75
Thigh -  40
Body fat percentage: 61.8%