Welcome to the Mellon Patch

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Black and W.I.D.T.H.

What more do I need to say, except send me your pics at .

Keelie @ Real Fat

More Yakking with DirectLife Coach Jen

As I may have already mentioned, I'm currently giving a trial run to the Philips DirectLife activity monitor, a little electronic doomahichey that comes with your own personal coach to aid you in your quest to ratchet up your activity. Please don't leave any mean comments about her, because I'm pretty sure she's reading my blog.

Hi Jack,

Let me begin by saying an enormous congratulations for all of your work on increasing your health over the past 13 months. It is a fantastic achievement and I am really happy for you!

Now, to help me coach you can you please dock your device so that I can see your activity levels? Thank you! Peeing in a cup is not necessary, of course. I look forward to seeing those results and after the weekend I will get back to you with feedback on your activity levels so that we can really get this Jack-coach Jen team started.

Enjoy the weekend!

Jen

PS. Google treadmill desk and you will indeed find that it's out there - and in use! I notice you've stopped docking your Activity Monitor after your Assessment Week. Unfortunately I can't see if you've just postponed starting your program or if there's another issue at hand.

Dear DirectLife Coach Jen,

C'mon, DirectLife Coach Jen! It was my birthday... and Memorial Day weekend. Can't you give me a break from your reckless pursuit of trying to make me the most active man on earth?

I was getting back after it today, but the worst thing happened. Are you ready for this, DirectLife Coach Jen? I was wrapping up a 30-minute, 5K treadmill run when it suddenly dawned on me that I didn't have my activity monitor in my pocket! AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

One of the women at the fitness center rushed over with a defribulator and was about to zap me with it when I convinced her I wasn't having a heart attack, but was distraught over having performed activity that wasn't going to count toward my daily totals. What are we going to do about THAT, DirectLife Coach Jen? I thought about taping the monitor to the wheel of my car and making you think that I did somersaults all the way back to my office. Better that then you thinking that I was sitting in a locker for an hour!

Speaking of activity that's not getting counted, what about you-know-what, DirectLife Coach Jen? I mean, I don't have a pocket when my wife Anita and I are rockin' the casbah, so what's your suggestion for claiming full credit for ALL of my activity?

We're really getting to be good friends, DirectLife Coach Jen. Except that I think you should have made more of a big deal about my kick-ass assessment.

Anyway... I'll try to remember to get my lil' activity doodad on me as much as I can, and thanks for all the tips on incorporating more activity into my day. My poor old body's not going to know what hit it....

Take care,

Jack

Hi Jack,

Happy belated birthday! I'm sorry that I missed it but I hope that you had a fantastic celebration. and THANK YOU for docking your device. I can now see your Activity Data and indeed you had a fantastic week of activity!

When I look at your Activity History I notice several hours with hardly any movement like Monday the 24th from 7am to 6pm. Yes, you were really active from 6 - 8 but these hours of inactivity still stand out. Since you already do activities in which you burn a lot of calories and seem to be very consistent with them, how you look at the periods of lowest activity in your daily routine is very relevant. Are you concerned about your activity at these times?

During registration you mentioned that you would like to be more active. Are you open to looking at those times of less activity to see how we can increase your overall daily activity? If possible, take a moment and have a look at what your graphs show on Sunday May 23rd and your activity levels throughout the day. What pattern do you see? Do you see this on other days of the week too? What does it, if anything, make you think?

Again, you are really active and did indeed have a kick-ass Assessment so I don't want to take any of that away from you. You are already very active. What I am hoping to do is to help you see an opportunity to be active in a different way, throughout the day.

Until soon,

Jen

Hi DirectLife Coach Jen,

It's a shame that Philips doesn't make a device that measures brain activity, DirectLife Coach Jen. Those big gaps in my day that look like I've lapsed into a coma are periods that are choc-full of brain synapses firing off in every-which direction.

Did you see that movie Good Will Hunting about the guy that could do crazy hard math equations that stumped even the most learned professors? Well, I'm kind of like that (except I'm really bad at math). My point is that I'm often holed up thinking big thoughts (or stuck in budget meetings) and can't be as active as you and I would like. If you think I can get everyone in a budget meeting to agree to take a break and riverdance, well, you're living in a dream world, DirectLife Coach Jen.

I want to run something else by you, DirectlLife Coach Jen. Tell me if this statement is true or false: "This sentence is false."

If "This sentence is false" is true, then it's actually false, which would in turn mean that it's actually true, but this would mean that it is false, etc. Why do I ask you this, DirectLife Coach Jen? I know that Philips is one of the leading companies in the field of robotics, and I've been a little bit worried that I'm corresponding with a robot trainer. After all, you can't possibly coach all the people who are no doubt signing up for this activity-boosting service. So I figure this exercise will blow your robotic brain up if, indeed, you are a robot. If you're not, well, better safe than sorry, huh?

And I noticed that you skirted the sex question ("Where do you put the monitor when you don't have pockets?"). I agree... it's too soon.

Thanks for the fantastic activity monitoring!

Jack

Monday, June 7, 2010

Take a Walk on the W.I.D.T.H. Side

This is how this thing works: you take a note card, you pick up a marker and you jot down a reason that this weight loss/health journey is so important to you. Maybe it's serious, maybe it's silly. Maybe it's heart-warming, maybe it's heart-breaking. Maybe it's simple, maybe it's hard to put into words. However you do it, do it. Then email me the result (along with a blog link if you've got one) to

Kenz @ All The Weigh

Rosa @ Stuffing My Feelings...

Natalia @ Embracing The Weight Loss Journey

Josher @ PhatJosh

Aunt Juicebox @ Bacon Is My Lover

Fatso @ Fat Girl Slim

Losing Weight After 45 Is A Bitch @ Losing Weight After 45 Is A Bitch

Deb @ Shedding My Fatsuit

Al @ One Day At a Time

Jen @ Jen Is Gonna Lose It!

Please Don’t Read This

I apologize, but today's post is just for me to read. I'll have something for you tomorow most likely, but today I need to talk to my own bad self. Sorry about that, but you really need to leave now.

Scoot.

Skedaddle.

Make like a tree and get outta here. If you got that Back to the Future reference, then go here for an awesome clip.

Okay... has everyone cleared out? Good.

Jack.

Jack Jack Jack.

You had your fun and you had some more fun, but now’s the time for you to stop acting like you don't know any better and start bringing the intensity to this journey again. It's time for you to be Jack F'n Sh*t.

Here’s some inconvenient truth’s that you seem to have forgotten, my friend…

Free samples at the grocery store aren’t free of calories, dumbass.
Farting around on an elliptical machine for a half hour isn’t going to cut it anymore.
The NBA playoffs has been going on for roughly two years now. You don’t really need to watch every game. Why don’t you go for a run instead?
You can’t read and comment on every blog in the world. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, but use your time wisely.
The scale’s not the end-all, be-all of this journey, but when the number’s are consistently rising, it’s time to shake things up a little.
Wine will keep for a few days; you don’t have to finish the bottle every time you crack one open.
Quit buying granola, at least until you learn to exhibit a little more self-control.
Writing down what you eat – everything you eat – generally makes you eat less.
Grapes aren’t some magic calorie-free snack, numb-nuts!
Scrape leftovers off Pisa’s plate into the dog bowl or the trash, not into your own mouth, how about it?
DirectLife Coach Jen wants you to incorporate more activity into your day; let’s try it her way and see what happens.

Jack, you’ve accomplished quite a lot in the last year and change. I say that not for you to get a big head (that can affect your weigh-in, you know) or to make you think you’re done pushing yourself past milestones. This isn’t a there-and-done journey, buddy. We’re in this for the long haul.

There’s a lot of folks that stop by here looking for a little inspiration.

It’s time to start providing it.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Game On!

Weekly weigh-in: 207.5
Loss: +3.9
Total loss: -85.3
Emotion: Awoken

I woke up last week.

I haven’t been doing oh-so-poorly this summer, but it hasn’t been the stuff that weight-loss dreams are made of either.

I’m active enough, eating well enough, but my focus has been a little bit… well, lacking.

It’s not all bad. I’m not eating a bunch of crap. Even on my birthday hoe-down, I didn’t go batsh*t crazy with the chow (though I did enjoy a nice dish of fresh homemade goat cheese-and-basil ice cream with a shot of lemoncello). However, I have seemed to loosen up my iron-clad grip on my roadmap for this journey.

Sometimes good is good, and sometimes good simply isn’t good enough.

I’m not finished with dancing with the scale yet, even though you’d think I had by the way I’ve been treating my weigh-ins lately. Hell, I haven’t updated my numbers on my blog in well over a month. Shame on me!

This sh*t is back on.

So now… now, I’m bringing a little extra commitment and intensity to my workouts. I’m sharpening my focus on what I eat and, perhaps more importantly, how I eat. No more mad rushes at the dinner table. No more snacking over the sink. No more mindless eating.

And I want you to hold my feet to the fire on these weekly weigh-ins. Don’t let me get away with being a slacker any longer.

I may still get silly in this space from time to time, but make no mistake, I’m about to get very serious about this weight-loss journey.

Jack is back.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

This Is Your Day

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I brush the dust off of old posts and pawn them off as "refurbished". If I wasn't such a nut-job, I'd write more posts like this one...

This is your day.

You’ve got 86,400 seconds to work with and I’d like to encourage you to spend at least a few thousand of them working to make this weight-loss journey you’re on a success.

Yesterday may not have been your best day, but yesterday is dead and gone. Yesterday’s a fading memory, a train that’s long since left the station, a house that’s been boarded up and abandoned.

Today is what’s ahead of you, and it’s a day full of promise and possibility. You can make a positive and lasting change in your life and you can start today. All it takes is attention to the smallest of details. All it takes is being mindful about what you put in your mouth, being attentive to your body’s deep yearning to move. There never seems to be a good time to start, but I say that today’s as good a day as any. Today’s your day to start making your life better.

Tomorrow? We’ll talk about tomorrow tomorrow, but for now, let’s keep our whole and total focus on today. Today’s all we can control, all we can manage, all that we need to worry about for the day’s remaining 86,370 seconds (you’ve already squandered 30 of those precious seconds here… they do have a way of getting away from you, you see).

I started my own journey a little over six months ago, and my big idea was to get through one damn day without screwing up. One day without eating something crappy. One day without grabbing a candy bar out of the vending machine. Try to prove to myself that my car would run–for one day–without food in my mouth. We are so smart, and yet we continue to do such foolish, foolish things.

Some days, especially early in my trek, ended with me counting down those remaining few thousand seconds like a man in prison eyeballing the calendar. “Just get me through the day,” I’d desperately mutter to myself. “Just get me through one more day.”

I’m not going to tell you that changing my set-in-stone mindset wasn’t difficult, that it wasn’t painful. However, I am going to tell you that it got more bearable with time. It got more manageable. It’s still not easy, but it’s a long way from too difficult to manage.

I still end the day with a little quiet reflection of what I accomplished over the past 86,000 and some odd second seconds. And believe me… not screwing up is still a major accomplishment in my book.

I’m not trying to change the world, but I am trying to change myself.

One day at a time.

This day–today–is right here for the taking. I know you, and I know you have the strength and determination to power through a day eating right and doing right. I’m not asking you to do more than you’re capable of and I’m certainly not asking you to do any more than I’m asking of myself.

Let’s get through one good day, and what say we make that day today.

Friday, June 4, 2010

I'm W.I.D.T.H. Laurie

I'm down to my last couple of dozen note card pics, so now would be a good time for you to jump on the bandwagon. Why are you on this journey? Who are you doing it for? What's keeping your head in the game? Boil it down to a note card (or a reasonable fascimile) and send it to (be sure to include a blog addy if you want it included).