Two for Tuesday

Here at WSHT, the voice of weight-loss blogdom, we believe in “More Rock, Less Lunch.” So here’s your “Two for Tuesday” rock block…

I’m Sorry, Chumbawamba

We'll be bloggin’.
While we're losing.
We'll be bloggin’.

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
I’m never gonna let it get back up.

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
I really need to keep it down.

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
Why can't I keep it down?

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
This time I'm gonna keep it down.

Losing the weight today.
Losing the weight today.

He drinks an aqua drink.
He drinks Dasani drink.
He drinks a water drink.
He drinks an H2O drink.
He reads the blogs that remind him
Of the fatter times.
He reads the blogs that remind him
There’ll be better times.

Oh Jackie Boy,
Jackie Boy,
Jackie Boy...

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
I’m never gonna let it get back up.

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
I really need to keep it down.

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
Why can't I keep it down?

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
This time I'm gonna keep it down.

Losing the weight today.
Losing the weight today.

He drinks a green tea drink.
He drinks a skim milk drink.
He drinks a juice drink.
He drinks a smoothie drink.
He reads the blogs that remind him
Of the fatter times.
He reads the blogs that remind him
There’ll be better times.

Don't eat too much
Next door neighbour...

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
I’m never gonna let it get back up.

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
I really need to keep it down.

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
Why can't I keep it down?

I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
This time I'm gonna keep it down.

I'm Sorry, J-Lo

Let’s get light.

(Here we go)
Let's get light, let's get light.
I’m here–I’m gonna tell ya
What you gotta do

If you wanna be more fit
Live life all the way and don't wanna waste it.
Watchin’ what you eat
Can be so very sweet, you gotta taste it (mm- hm)
You gotta do it, (you gotta do it) you gotta do it your way
You gotta prove it (you gotta prove it)
Prove it every day
You gotta do it (do it) you gotta mean what you say
You gotta prove it (prove it)
You gotta step up and weigh

Let's get light, let's get light
Push the tempo up, let's do it
C'mon people
Let's get light, let's get light
You know that your pants are too tight

Life's a bitch, but you can do it,
Don’t you ever stop, find your rhythm.
Use your brains and your body
And make sure you do something with 'em.
('cause I'm-a lose my weight)
You gotta do it, (you gotta do it) you gotta do it your way.
You gotta move it.
You gotta mean what you say.
You gotta do it (do it) you gotta ban the buffet.
You can improve it,
You gotta do it every day.

Let's get light, let's get light.
So your future can be very bright.
Let's get light, let's get light.
Ain't nobody gotta tell you
What you gotta do, no no
(Make you hot)
(AY Jackie)

Let’s get light.
Let’s get light.
Let’s get light.
Let’s get light (It’s your life, baby, c’mon)
Let’s get light.
Let’s get light.
Let’s get light (pump it up)
Aaaa hey hey hey….

Droppin weight can be big fun.
Who can do it? Anyone!
C’mon, let’s lose it.
Losing pounds can set you free.
Be what you wanna be.
It’s yours' to choose it.
You gotta do it, (do what you gotta do)
You gotta do it some way.
You gotta move it (say what you wanna say)
Exercise every day.
You gotta do it, (go where you wanna go)
Don’t wanna weigh what you weigh?
You can improve it (just do it)
C’mon and try it my way.

Let's get light, let's get light.
Soon those pants won’t be quite so tight.
Let's get light, let's get light.
Ain't nobody gotta tell you
You know what you gotta do.

Let's get light.
Let's get light.
Let's get light.
Let's get light.

Let's get light, let's get light.
Everything is gonna be alright.
Let's get light, let's get light.
Jack Sh*t’s gonna tell you
What you gotta do.

Where the Wide Things Are

The night Jax wore his sweat pants and ate snacks of one kind and another. His wife called him “WIDE THING!” and Jax said “I’LL EAT THIS UP!” so he was sent to bed without getting any.

That very night in Jax’s room a fitness center grew and grew and grew until his ceiling hung with exercise equipment and the walls had mirrors all around and an opportunity tumbled by with a private trainer for Jax.

And he started exercising through night and day and in and out of weeks and almost over a year to get away from where the wide things are.

And when he came back to the place where the wide things are they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible bellies and showed their terrible appetites… ‘til Jax said “QUIT OVEREATING!” and tamed them with a magic trick of making them laugh while imparting valuable weight loss information to them.

And they called him the most wild wide thing of all and made him king of all wide things.

“And now,” cried Jax, “let the Wide Rump-Less start!”

“Now stop!” Jax said and sent the wide things off to bed with only 850 calories worth of supper.

And Jax the king of all wide things was tired of being so wide and wanted to be fittest and healthiest of all.

Then all around from far away across the world he smelled good things to eat so he gave up being king of where the wide things are.

But the wide things cried, “Oh please don’t go… we like you being as fat as we are!”

And Jax said, “No!”

The wide things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws but Jax just waved good-bye and began eating less and working out over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day…

…and into the night of his very own room where he found his wife waiting for him.

And she was still hot.


Okay, so I knock off work early Friday and took my daughter Pisa and one of her buddies to see Where the Wild Things Are. It was an enchanting little film, but I spent a lot of time writing this on my phone during the slow parts. Between three daughters, I’ve probably read this book a thousand times. It’s actually one of those books that we’ve had to replace because we absolutely wore it out. I know this doesn't make a whole lotta sense, but I was impressed with myself for being able to recall so much of the actual book from memory. I can't remember my PIN number for my bank card, but my brain holds on to the important stuff...

This week, I’ve got to survive trick-or-treating and a wild Halloween party Friday night.

Let the wild rumpus start!

So This Is How It’s Gonna Be…

Weekly weigh-in: 214.5
Weekly weigh-in: 214.6
Loss: +0.1
Total loss: 76.9 lbs.
Emotion: Under Less Pressure

Trying to put this whole weight loss/maintenance deal on auto-pilot, just attempting to eat right without stressing out about every little thing and exercise with intensity that might be high, yet not dialed all the way up. I’m slowly wrapping my head around the idea that this doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” proposition… and that I’m in it for the long haul so I’d better get comfortable with what I’m eating and what I’m doing.

This has been one of the few weeks where I’ve eaten well, exercised often and enthusiastically, not had any setbacks whatsoever… and gained weight (even if it was only a speck). More than anything else, that tells me that I’m probably not going to lose much more. I’m not complaining or fretting; like I said before: if I could lock it down right here, I’d be good to go. Keeping this whole thing in check is a whole new kind of pressure.

Speaking of pressure, I had a nice moment the other day. I was picking up a few things at the grocery store and ran across one of those blood-pressure checking stations. At my heavier weight, I was always hovering between borderline high blood pressure and your-veins-are-about-to-explode blood pressure. Just like I step on a scale with a new sense of confidence, I wasn’t stressing a bit as I slipped my arm into the cuff of the machine and pressed the “Start” button.

As I grimaced through the unpleasant squeeze on my bicep, I thought back about times when I’d checked myself on similar machines, trying to relax and mentally will my numbers to be low. With my diet how it’s been and my exercise level as high as it’s been, I simply wasn’t worried this go-round.

“Normal” blood pressure is 120/80 or below. And keep in mind that blood pressure tends to climb some as you get older, and that rise carries with it an increased risk of heart attack, stroke and kidney failure, as well as other complications.

My numbers? 88 over 65

Are you kidding me? I should put a faucet on my arm because there’s ice water in my veins. Actually, that’s now borderline too low, but in the range that athletes generally show.

Many of us focus on the “looking better” aspect of this weight-loss journey, but it’s hard not to appreciate the tremendous health advantages living lighter brings us. Whether it’s medications you no longer have to take, less pressure on your joints or simply having the energy to live a vital and active life, being successful with this is simply going to change you for the better.

And there’s nothing that feels quite as good as “better”…

The Cat in the Fat

Note: After six months of producing original content for this blog each and every day, I’ve finally decided to knock off one day a week. Chris at A Deliberate Life suggested that I re-run some of my favorite posts, so I decided to make Saturdays a “Same Old Sh*t” day. This well-received piece was one of my first forays into the little-mined field of weight-loss parody poetry.

The Cat in the Fat

The sun did not shine,
Hadn’t shined in a bit,
For the fellow the blogging world
Knows as Jack Sh*t.

He sat there so sadly.
He sat there unhappily.
And he said, “How I wish
I didn’t eat quite so crappily.”

Too big to go out
And too fat to play ball.
So he sat at his desk
And did nothing at all.

And all he could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
And it left him feeling
Like a big lump of sh*t.

And then
Something went bump!
How that bump made him jump!

He looked!
Then he saw it pop onto his screen.
A web site
On weight loss and low-fat cuisine.
And it said to Jack,
"C’mon, let’s break this routine.”

"I know you are chubby.
And there’s work to be done
But you can drop poundage
And still have some fun."

"Have no fear!" said the site.
"I will not let you fail.
I will give you new confidence
When you stand on that scale."

"In order to lose weight,
There’s two things you must do.
And I call these two things
Thing One and Thing Two."

"Thing One is 'eat less.'
Stuff less food in your mouth.
Cuz what goes in up North
Often winds up down South."

"'Exercise more' is Thing Two
And please don’t forget.
You won’t dump the plump
Without sweating some sweat."

"Follow Thing 1 and Thing 2
And you won’t stay a fat hog.
Why, if you wanted to you could
Write your own blog."

"Chronicle your journey
As you step away from the abyss
Fill it with wisdom
(And a few stupid lists)."

So I vowed to eat right,
I started to move.
And soon I was in my own
Little weight-losing groove.

And my blog’s doing great.
I may never get rich,
But it seems to have found
Its own special niche.

So this cat’s on his way,
He just won’t ever quit.
You can follow his story
(Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit).

I hope you enjoyed this,
All silly and Seuss-y.
But I may need a lawyer,
When somebody sues me.

x

Motivational Tips & Tricks

“How do you stay motivated?”

It was pointed out to me recently that much of the advice I dole out is of the “big picture” variety. I rarely get into the specifics of how to stoke the fires of motivation, how I’ve managed to keep my head in the game while I’ve made my way along the perpetual grind that is a weight-loss journey.

What follows is just a random group of tips and tricks that I’ve found to be helpful. They may be impractical or ill-suited for your personal use, but maybe there’s something here that could help you tweak your current plan or better find your own place in your own way. I apologize in advance for the low-entertainment value, but I’m trying to build up some good karma points to apply to my next weigh-in…

• Pack a bag. I don’t know if mornings at your house are as hectic as mornings at my house, but I’ve found that packing a gym bag the night before increases the likelihood that I’ll actually make it to the gym by roughly 10,000%.
• Downsize the wardrobe. Occasionally wear pants that are borderline too-tight in the waist. That constant pressure all day will help keep your mission on the front burner. If that’s unworkable, keep a stack of too-tight pants in your closet and try them on once a week. The scale’s one way to keep track, but finally zipping up some pants that you couldn’t wear earlier is the kind of victory that can propel your progress (and motivation) in a big way.
• Don’t hide the number. I follow quite a few blogs where the writer doesn’t seem to want anyone to know their weight. Putting those numbers front and center keeps me motivated to do well each and every day. I absolutely hate posting gains and am annoyed at the very idea of busting up good streaks of losing weeks. Don’t be ashamed of a number. It’s going down anyway…
• Try something crazy. Nothing else working to keep you on track? Write a check for $100 to whatever organization you despise the most; stick it in a stamped envelope and give it to a friend to mail if you don’t reach your short-term goal. Now that’s motivating!
• Get the whole family involved. It’s hard to stay sharp if you feel like you’re rowing the boat all by yourself. Even if they’re not overweight, your family will benefit from eating healthier and being more active.
• Don’t let setbacks set you back. You had an idiot moment and had drive-thru fast food for lunch (did you have to eat it in the parking lot?). It’s nothing to be proud of, but it’s also no reason to let it wreck your entire week. Put it behind you. Better yet, use it as the impetus to get in an extra-effort workout. The pendulum swings both ways, you know.
• Exercise your “no thank you” muscle. I was in a staff meeting this week where a couple of boxes of fresh donuts were being passed around. I took a donut, just to be like everyone else. But I watched as the boxes went around the room. Several people said “no thanks” and guess what? It wasn’t a big deal. I had one bite of the pastry, and folded the rest up in my napkin. Again, nobody cared. I think we believe we’re calling unwanted attention to ourselves when we say “no thanks,” but the truth of the matter is that nobody’s really paying attention. Whether or not we have a donut just isn’t all that important.
• TV or not TV. I’ve made one rule about TV for myself. If you’re going to watch something with commercials, DVR it first. The Biggest Loser takes about 20 minutes to watch when you FF past the product placement segments, cliffhanger endings and commercials. All that extra time can be better spent exercising, laundry, blogging, working… basically doing anything else…
• Get a handle on weekends. Easier said than done, but I think this is one of the biggest problem areas people have. The first step to getting past it is the realization that it’s something that’s going to take extra planning and more of a commitment to your program. Weekends take us out of our routine and put us in more social situations where saying “no” seems to be denying ourselves our well-earned fun. I’m not saying shut yourself in during the weekends, but success means that you’ve got to make some tough choices if you want to get through the weekend unscathed.
• Find what drives you. Is it the worst photo you ever took? The best one? A picture of your children? A high school reunion that’s scheduled for next summer? That favorite pair of jeans that’s languishing in your closet? Whatever it is, keep it out where you can see it. Let it help you keep that fire inside burning hot.
• S-l-o-o-o-o-w down. The eating, that is. You’ll be amazed at how much more food it will seem as though you’re eating if you actually let the fork hit the table every once in a while. Even if you eat the same amount that you would have wolfed down, you’ll feel fuller and more satisfied.
• Understand that it’s all interconnected. When I blow off a workout, it affects my mood, my sleep, even my appetite. I’ve come to realize that this trek’s about more than just managing my diet, more than just making sure I exercise X times a week. Those things are important components, but managing it all… stress, family, work, sleep… is the key to dropping the pounds.

Most of this is the common sense stuff you already know, but just the act of writing it all down has helped me realize where I’ve started dropping the ball in some areas. It’s difficult to keep the focus on all the time, but it’s sure hard to make any serious headway when you’re flailing around without a real sense of purpose.

Good luck on keeping your game face on and here’s hoping you (and I) have a kick-ass weigh-in this week.

x

Lite Lit

With sincere and profuse apologies
to Robert Frost and Joyce Kilmer.


Stopping By a Blog on a Boring Afternoon

Whose blog this is I do not know,
But I think I’ll leave a comment though.
So she will see I stopped by here,
To watch where this weight-loss tale will go.

This blog’s owner must think it queer,
To find such a kooky comment here,
Between the words of other friends
Who provide good wishes most sincere.

But still this comment I shall make,
And, no, this is not some mistake.
I just hope she will not weep,
To read such words from such a flake.

This journey’s lonely, says Jack Sh*t,
But you can do this, I’ll admit.
You’ve miles to go before you quit,
And lots of comments yet to get.

• • •

Cake And Chips

Some say this diet will end in cake,
Some say in chips.
From the feel of my sweet-tooth ache,
I hold with those who favour cake.
But if my hunger should eclipse,
That sweetness of what bakers’ bake,
I say that for diet destruction, chips
Are also great
With lots of dips.

• • •

Losses

I think that I shall never cross
A poem as lovely as a loss.
A loss where weight is coming down
Will entertain more than a clown;
A loss that God was sent my way,
Will fill my heart and make my day;
A loss of just a single pound
Will make me emit a joyous sound.
A poem can be a lovely serenade,
But ultimately cannot be made
By any fool you come across.
But each of us can make a loss.

x

It’s Time to Look Inside

You’ve spent a lot of time gazing at that too-fat frame in the mirror, frowning at the double chins and loathing those love handles. You’ve stared hard, trying to locate that thin, healthy person that wants so desperately to get out, wants so badly to take his or her place in this bright shiny world.

You know, I really do want this for you, but at the end of the day, that really matters not a whit. You’ve got to want it for yourself. And when I say you’ve got to want it, I mean something entirely different than “Gee, it sure would be nice if I dropped a few pounds one of these days.” You know as well as I do that one of these days is none of these days. In my mind, wanting it equates to resolution and responsibility, it equates to strength and sacrifice.

I have no doubt that you’ve got fortitude you didn’t even know you had. In fact, we all do. It’s just a matter of finding that reservoir of purpose and persistence that exists deep inside you and tapping into it. Find the strength to embrace healthy life-choices and do what you have to do to push away traps and temptations.

What’s stopping you? Your job? Your family? The stresses of your daunting and difficult life? Puh-leeeze! Don’t tell me it’s too hard, because there’s no damn way this is too hard for you. Too hard is losing a child or being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Too hard is becoming the victim of random violence or facing financial ruin. No matter how dire this weight problem seems, it is something that you can overcome. It is something you are going to overpower.

So again I ask, what’s stopping you? Or let me rephrase the question: why aren’t you doing it today? Six months ago I was in a bad place, feeling (at nearly 300 lbs) both as large as I’ve ever been and, at the same time, as small as I’ve ever been. A small amount of self-confidence, a small amount of pride.

The changes I made in my life were miniscule, in retrospect. They were the common sense corrections that each of us understand is the game plan for successful weight loss… eating less, eating healthier, exercising more. It really doesn’t have to be any more complex than that, but you’ve got to feel it somewhere deeper than your head or your heart. You’ve gotta reach down and find the “want-to” that’s going to power you past every roadblock, every hurdle, every barricade that stands between you and your goals.

If you’re here, reading these words, then chances are you’ve been talking this over with yourself for quite some time, debating your future with your full-figured reflection. Maybe even talking with others about this journey you know in your heart you need to make. Talking’s all well and good, my friend, but I invite you to start walking the walk. Start owning up to the challenge that’s right there in front of you. Start putting your health and happiness as the #1 priority on your to-do list.

When you’re down in a dark hole gripping tightly to a shovel, there’s an illogical, unreasonable temptation to dig, even though digging can’t get you back to safety and can only make a perilous predicament even worse. Now’s the time for you to set aside the spade, take a deep, cleansing breath and start making that long climb back into the sunshine. Climbing is hard work, to be sure, but you know what?

So is digging.