Things NOT To Do During a Workout

Okay, I’m zipping through my Twitter feed the other day, and I see a link to an article on fitsugar.com entitled “5 Things You Should Never Do During a Workout.” Anyway, that got me to thinking, “Damn, that sounds like a Jack Sh*t post to me…

• Jump on back of treadmill and start running along behind somebody else.

• Lick the sweat off of machine after using it.

• Juggle kettlebells.

• When you’re spotting someone on bench press, do not tickle them under armpit as they’re lifting.

• Actually row the rowing machine all around the room.

• Try to do 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle while on the StairMaster.

• Eat an entire box of donuts during spinning class.

• Yodel all through yoga.

• Offer to pay somebody $10 to do push-ups for you.

• Offer to pay personal trainer with coupons good for “Free Hugs.”

• Walk around saying “Hey, look at how puffy my muscles are getting” to every single person in the gym.

• Eat a stick of butter while working out on the elliptical.

• Call 9-1-1 because your thighs are chafing.

Mistakes? I've Made a Few...

• Included social security number on Facebook profile.

• Thought Milk Duds was a calcium supplement.

• Signed up for national chain fitness center that didn't have any locations in city I live.

• Learned that, apparently, online poker doesn't burn as any calories as exercise.

• Measured my "5 mile running trail" and it turned out to only be 100 yards.

• Discovered my recipe for "fat-free" brownies includes three sticks of butter.

• Thought I was just on super long plateau, but turns out I'm heavier than my scale's maximum weight.

• Thought I was recording a "podcast" but it turned out to be my cellphone voice-mail welcome message.