More Things I've Said to the Girl Scouts…

• “Do you have any ‘Thinner Mints’?”

• “Legally, I'm allowed to shoot you with a gun and claim the 'Stand Your Ground on Your Scale' defense.”

• “Do-Si-Do? Oh-Me-No!”

• “I'm sorry; I usually don't slap little girls that aren't my daughters.”

• “Sorry, but I spent my last $10 buying canisters of Cheeze Whiz from the Seventh Day Adventists.”

• “Hmmmmmm, it would only take a week of strenuous exercise to work off three Cranberry Citrus Crisps...”

• “Do you accept Confederate dollars?”

• “No, I don't want any cookies, but I do wanna know why Brownies don't sell brownies.”

• “I realize that selling cookies is supposed to help you girls learn about money management, but I think you investing in my new Ponzi scheme would teach you a better lesson.”

• “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

• “I'll take a box of Raw Celery Shortbread.”

• “Well, what can one box hurt?”

What I’ve Said to the Girl Scouts…

• “Do you have any ‘Thin Mints’ that actually make you thin?”

• “I’m sorry, but Jamie Oliver says they use that pink slime to make Girl Scout cookies and I’m not supposed to buy them anymore.”

• “I’m sorry, but what part of ‘Look, I’ll cut a b*tch’ did you not understand?”

• “I’m sorry, but if I bought a box of cookies from you, I’d have to buy a box from the other 10,000 million Girl Scouts all over the world. Fair’s fair!”

• “I wish you girls would get whoever makes the Boy Scouts’ sh*tty popcorn to make your cookies. Those guys could screw up a wet dream.”

• “You can stick that box where the sun doesn’t Do-Si-Do!”

• “Sorry, but I spent my last $5 buying a box of beef jerky from the Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

• “I’d like to support you, but I just don’t eat cookies anymore; can I just write you a bad check instead?”

• “GET BACK, SATAN!”

• “I know it’s a good cause, but I need cookies like I need a box of Girl Scout cookies.”

• “Look, I’ve got three daughters; I’m not afraid to slap a little girl.”

• “No, no, no… a thousand times NO. Ummm… well, maybe just one box of Somoas…”