There's Snow Business Like Weight Loss Business

Frosty: I need your help, Jack.

Jack: S’now way.

Frosty: Very funny.

Jack: I'm here all winter; be sure and tip the waitresses. So... what’s the problem?

Frosty: Look at me. Just look at me!

Jack: You’re beautiful, baby.

Frosty: Look at this shape of mine.

Jack: Well…

Frosty: Big in the middle.

Jack: Yeah, but…

Frosty: Gigantic ass.

Jack: You know you’re a snowman, don’t you?

Frosty: I still want to be in the best shape I can be.

Jack: Well, normally I’d suggest improving your diet.

Frosty: Man, you’re not making me a jolly happy soul.

Jack: So, maybe you could try exercising more.

Frosty: Oh, Jack. Why don’t you snow blow me?

Jack: Look, just do what I say and I guarantee that you’ll be slimmer in six months.

Frosty: Hmmmmm… that would be right at swimsuit season.

I'm Sorry, Frosty

Jackie the Sh*t-man
Would eat whatever he could grab,
Had a big rear end and a double chin
And two sides made out of flab.

Jackie the Sh*t-man
Spent his days at the buffet.
He was made of fat,
But he said “F*ck that,”
And he came to life one day.

There must of been some magic in
That silly blog he wrote.
For when he started postin’,
Less food went down his throat.

Jackie the Sh*t-man
Was alive and feelin’ great.
And his readers know
That he’ll hit a new low
Every time he posts his weight.

Jackie the Sh*t-man
Has finally reached his goal.
And he said let’s run and have some fun
And stay under control.

Down to the weight room,
With an iPod in his hand.
Runnin’ here and there in his underwear
(Left his gym shorts in the van).

He started to hustle and built some muscle
Right to his gluteus maximus.
And to celebrate this moment,
He decided to help the rest of us.

Jackie the Sh*t-Man
Is really on his way.
Time to say goodbye, but please don't cry.
He’ll be back again Friday.

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Jackie go.
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Over that damn plateau.