I’m Sorry, Jimmy Buffet

Nibblin’ on fried pies.
Watchin’ old CSI’s.
Eating some nachos covered with oil.
Bad diet, yeah sure.
Just checked my blood pressure.
Looks like my arteries are beginnin’ to boil.

Wastin’ my time again in Diet Cheataville.
Going extra heavy on that shaker of salt.
Some people claim that I should take some blame,
But I know… there’s no way it’s my fault.

I don’t know the reason,
My pants are all squeezin’.
Nothin’ to show but this big fat spare tire.
Never been too svelte,
Now I need me a new belt
And that scale, it’s just going higher.

Wastin’ my time again in Diet Cheataville.
Searchin’ for another frosty ice cream malt.
I might proclaim that my bad genes are to blame,
But I think...
Hell, it could be my fault.

So I came to a hard stop.
Started making my weight drop.
Quit going out, starting eating at home.
Lifting weights and some joggin’,
Not to mention my bloggin’.
Yeah, that’s the secret that helps me hang on.

I quit wastin’ my time away in Diet Cheataville.
Brought my destructive lifestyle to a halt.
Some people claim that they just can’t do the same.
If they don’t… it’s their own damn fault.
Yes, some people claim that they just can’t do the same.
If they don’t… it’s their own damn fault.

x

I’m Sorry, Tammy Wynette…

Sometimes it's hard to be at weigh-in.
Giving all you can to lose some weight.
You'll have bad times,
And you’ll have worse times,
Eatin’ things you know you shouldn’t have ate.
But you can diet,
I mean, really try it,
Though it’s been hard since you began.
And if you love ham,
Just please don’t eat ham
Cause, after all, it’s not on your plan.

Stand on your scale.
Write down the weight it says to.
Hope it gives you something warm to cling to
When meals are cold and pointless.

Stand on your scale,
And tell your blog what you weigh.
Keep giving it all, you’re doing swell.
Stand on your scale.

Ba bum bummm bummmmm

Stand on your scale,
And show the world you’re tryin’.
Keep giving all, keep giving hell.
Stand on your scale.