I’m Sorry, Everybody

I was tired of my belly
It’d been too large for too long.
Caused by a sedentary lifestyle
And from eating all wrong.
So while my fam was vacationing,
I had my laptop in bed.
And among the sites I was surfing,
There was this blog that I read…

"If you like doing pilates,
‘Til you burn holes in your thighs.
If you're sick of being obese,
Wanna be half your size.
If you've been eating fudge at midnight,
By the light of the fridge.
If you ever want to change things,
It’s time to try just a smidge.”

I wasn’t sure I could do it.
I know that sounds kind of strange.
But me and my fat belly
Were ready for a big change,
So I started my own blog,
To chronicle my own dieting.
So I opened a new post,
And I got busy writing.

"Yes I like doing pilates
‘Til I burn holes in my thighs.
Yes, I’m sick of being obese,
Wanna be half my size.
So I’ve quit eating fudge at midnight
By the light of the fridge.
I really do want change things,
And this blog’ll be my bridge.”

So I worked out with passion.
Started eating real well.
Soon I noticed a downturn,
When I stood on the scale.
Now it’s a year or so later,
And I won’t ever quit.
I give all kinds of advice now
On Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.

Like, “You should start doing pilates,
‘Til you burn holes in your thighs.
If you're sick of being obese,
Wanna be half your size.
If you've been eating fudge at midnight
By the light of the fridge.
If you ever want to change things,
It’s time to try just a smidge.”

I’m Sorry, Jimmy Buffet

Nibblin’ on fried pies.
Watchin’ old CSI’s.
Eating some nachos covered with oil.
Bad diet, yeah sure.
Just checked my blood pressure.
Looks like my arteries are beginnin’ to boil.

Wastin’ my time again in Diet Cheataville.
Going extra heavy on that shaker of salt.
Some people claim that I should take some blame,
But I know… there’s no way it’s my fault.

I don’t know the reason,
My pants are all squeezin’.
Nothin’ to show but this big fat spare tire.
Never been too svelte,
Now I need me a new belt
And that scale, it’s just going higher.

Wastin’ my time again in Diet Cheataville.
Searchin’ for another frosty ice cream malt.
I might proclaim that my bad genes are to blame,
But I think...
Hell, it could be my fault.

So I came to a hard stop.
Started making my weight drop.
Quit going out, starting eating at home.
Lifting weights and some joggin’,
Not to mention my bloggin’.
Yeah, that’s the secret that helps me hang on.

I quit wastin’ my time away in Diet Cheataville.
Brought my destructive lifestyle to a halt.
Some people claim that they just can’t do the same.
If they don’t… it’s their own damn fault.
Yes, some people claim that they just can’t do the same.
If they don’t… it’s their own damn fault.

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