Monday, October 26, 2015

Official JSGF Price Sheet

If you're interested in me endorsing your product, service or company, please refer to this handy price sheet...

10-second audio clip of me burping your product’s name: $5

Me mentioning your product or service in a tweet: One half penny

Video of me romantically slow-dancing with your product: $75

Product haiku: $10 per syllable

Me loving your product forever and ever: $50

A photo of me pretending to take a whiz on your competitor’s logo: $25

Video testimonial of me yodeling a special yodel dedicated to you and you alone: $150

Me getting your brand’s logo tattooed on my buttocks: $500

Me doing a 15-min podcast talking about your product or service: $250, plus you showing me how to make a podcast

Me wearing a tuxedo, top hat and monocle, then going to the mall and mentioning your product with an English accent: $200 plus tuxedo and monocle rental

Me reviewing your product on a blog post: $100

Me reviewing your product and giving it ONE MILLION STARS:  Listen, I don’t sell my integrity like that (I’m kidding… I give every product ONE MILLION STARS)

Me never ever mentioning your brand on my blog, FB or twitter feed: $10,000

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