Friday, October 23, 2015

How to Get Kicked Out of a Weight Watchers Meeting

  • Loudly challenge everyone in the room to a caramel apple-eating contest
  • Wear a Sumo wrestling outfit to meeting
  • Bring a more forgiving scale and offering “second opinion” weigh-ins for $5
  • Stand on your chair and sing “I Like Big Butts” at the top of your lungs
  • Pick a fight with somebody because she’s sitting in your “lucky chair”
  • Clean your gun during meeting
  • Scream “I’M SO DAMN HUNGRY” every five minutes
  • Wear pants made out of fruit leather
  • Take bets during weigh-ins
  • Try to organize a séance during meeting
  • Loudly repeat every single word the leader says
  • Repaint the wall because you claim the wall color is responsible for your recent weight gain
  • Wheel in a wagon filled with steaming hot taco meat
  • Excessive public flossing
  • Spend entire meeting making elaborate candy corn sculptures
  • Dress up like a giant Gummi Bear and prance around the room during meeting
  • Try to sign people up to your knock-off weight loss program “Weight Watchpersons” at a booth in the restroom
  • Try to hook up your own hammock to sit in
  • Insist on weighing in nude

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