Monday, April 29, 2013

Top Health Tips for Tip-Top Health... Tips!

• Eat until you are eight-tenths full instead of until you’re ten-eighths full.

• Chewing sugarless gum is a better way to keep your mouth busy than snacking or getting into an obscenity-filled argument with your neighbor.

• You can add more fruits and vegetables to your diet by eating more fruits and vegetables, dumbass.

• According to some research, catching a whiff of Rosemary may increase alertness and improve memory (of course, Rosemary may slap you if she catches sniffing her, but getting slapped increases alertness, too!)

• Brushing your teeth right after dinner is a good way to tell your brain that you’re done eating for the evening, unless you brush your teeth with frosting.

• To get more fiber in your diet, consider eating a pound of fiber.

• Remember, the “elevator” is an “evil-ator”… no wait… that’s stupid. Don’t waste your time remembering that. My bad!

• You can tame a tension headache by rubbing peppermint oil into your temples and then screaming until blood pours down your nose.

• Instead of stopping at Starbucks and getting yourself a coffee in the morning, how about stopping at Starbucks, getting me a coffee and dropping it off by my office? Thanks!


  1. You can get more fruits and vegetables by eating more fruits and vegetables, dumbass...hahahaha!

  2. Keep eating 1 pound of fiber and you will be sh*ting more then 1 pound per day lol. Ideal weight loss secret for you all.

  3. Some sage advice there Jack, I especially like the tip about fiber - definitely eat more fiber :)

  4. Love your sense of humor and irreverence. I'm going to take my chances with sniffing Rosemary and see what happens.

  5. I laughed out loud reading the rosemary sniffing. Better not sniff me lol x

  6. I love your sense of humor. But seriously, your #1 point on eating 8/10 full instead of 10/8 full, that will definitely help me out. Especially when I eat out where the portions are big.

  7. You are ridiculous! I love it! .... Maybe I should eat more fruit....

  8. Love the site like usual Jack. Your surname is how i feel. x

  9. Nothing wrong with saying it like it is!



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