Booyah!

Weekly weigh-in: 197.5
Loss: -1.0
Total loss: 95.0 lbs.
Emotion: Exuberant

Just when I settle in to the idea that micro-losses, stalemates and mini-gains are the way it’s gonna be from here on out, the scale shows me a little tender-lovin’ kindness.

Even after 44 weeks on this rock-n-roll roller-coaster, I still can’t say I have a real handle on why the scale does what the scale does. I mean, some weeks I’m absolutely golden and my scale (“Miss Fussybritches”) rewards me with a goose egg (or worse… a gain). Some weeks, I seem to slip, stagger and stumble for days on end, and Miss FB doesn’t punish me the swift kick in the groin I so richly deserve.

It’s a theme I see repeated ad nauseum on other’s weight-loss blogs as well. People give it their all for a week and confusedly report a gain instead of the loss they were expecting. I do my best to ease their minds and soothe their troubled psyches … try to get them to buy in to the idea that scales are finicky creatures that are always trying to undermine our resolve and break our spirit. But truthfully… I got no clue.

I do understand one thing, though. I know that sometimes folks delude themselves when the scale pulls a fast one of them.

“Oh, I ate a donut and a lost two pounds this week. Ergo, donuts lead to weight loss!”

Now I may be ignorant to many of the tiny nuances and intricacies of weight loss, but I don’t try to talk myself into nonsense like that.

In my pursuit to slay The Great White Scale, I’ve held firm to the belief that this isn’t a one-month, six-month, year-long quest. This isn’t a journey from here to there, not a race to any specific finish line.

This is just me doing what I need to do.

This is just me living like I need to live.

So I’ll just keep doing like I’m doing and living like I’m living.

Next week I may curse the scale.

This week, I’ll celebrate it.

Making My Move On My Skinny Jeans

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I go mining through the dark, creepy corners of my blog archives for a few hours so that I can get out of a few hours of blog-writing (yeah, I suck at math). As for this one... well, am I the only person who talks to his jeans?

Hey, baby. I haven’t seen you around in forever. You’re still looking fine. Look at that sweet ass on you. I can’t believe it’s been so long since we’ve been together, baby. You shouldn’t have been in hiding away, sweetheart; you look so good you should be strutting your stuff out on the street. Man, I’d love to take you to my office and show you off to all my co-workers. I told ‘em all about you, but they think you don’t really exist. They think I just made you up.

We had some good times didn’t we? I remember the first time I laid eyes on you, baby. Remember? It was at that store in the mall, you hanging out in the corner with all your friends. You didn't even know I existed, am I right? Well, I wasn’t sure you were right for me, either, but we got together and…well, it was magic. All I remember is that I couldn't keep my hands off of you. Remember what that sales clerk said to me: “Why don't you two get a dressing room?” We were so crazy. And remember what I said to you later that right when I was gettin' it on with you? “I can’t believe this sh*t!”

It’s true: I couldn’t believe that sh*t. I just couldn’t believe that we were so right for each other, because just a few months earlier I wouldn’t have had the nerve to even try to get together with you. Even if I'd screwed up the courage to try, it wouldn't have worked out. Not then anyway...

But we did get together, didn't we? I still have pictures of the two of us, and while it may sound a tad vain, man, we looked good together.

That whole year we were inseparable, you and I. Where I went, you were sure to go as well. We had some good times… parties, concerts, staying out with friends, spending time just the two of us. And then… well…

Look, baby. I can’t explain why I left… or why I was gone for so long. It don’t make no sense, me leaving you the way I did. Yes, there were others but they were so big and ugly, not svelte and fine like you. I promise you, baby, I was thinking about you the whole time I was with those others. I was thinking of how good the two of us were for each other, how right it was when we were together. Of course, I mean that, baby. I mean it with all my heart. I threw those others outta my house as soon as I could, and now I’ve come back to you. Only you.

And this time, I promise I won’t ever leave you again.

Midnight Snack

I’m Sorry, Melissa Manchester

Whatever you do, just keep till the morning
Haven’t you had enough to eat now, Jack?
Midnight snack.
Remember your supper was real healthy stuff.
Haven't you had enough?
And I think you can make it,
Seven more hours, if you try.
Don’t do it like all the old times.

For all the times you woke up real hungry,
Eating right now would take your diet outta whack.
Midnight snack.
Shouldn’t you put that hunger in cold storage?
Wake up and have some porridge.
And I think you can make it.
It’s not that hard,
if you try.
The recipe’s on the back.
Midnight snack.

I think I can make it.
I think I can make it.
Wouldn’t I like to eat healthy like I oughta?
Oops… I added too much water.
Looks like I can’t make it.
One more time, if I try
One more time for all of the old oatmeal.

Why Not?

Why not today?

I mean, seriously: why not?

Why not change the things that we both know need changing, dig down deep and really give this journey a true shot at success?

Why not finally sit down and craft a workable plan, something that makes sense and something you can stick with? Something that doesn’t feel like a death sentence and something that you know you can sustain.

Why not start moving your body a little, because I’m here to tell you that this journey is so, so, so, so, so much easier if you can burn up some calories instead of simply reducing how many you consume.

And if you are going to exercise, why not commit to doing it every day, even if it’s simply walking around the block or doing ten minutes of a workout DVD?

Why not believe this is something worth fighting for and… well, fight for it?

Why not accept that this is going to be a time-consuming process, that’s it’s going to be a day-after-day-after-day kind of grind?

Why not embrace the idea that you can have a little fun along the way as well?

Why not find a lifestyle you can live with and start living with it?

And while you're at it, why not tell me your story? And I don’t just mean what you ate for breakfast and what you did at the gym. Tell me your hopes and your fears, about your successes and your setbacks. Tell me who you are and tell me why this is important to you.

Why not make today the starting point of a new phase in this journey, take this opportunity to shift this baby into a gear that you maybe didn’t even realize you had?

Why not do it, do it right and start doing it today?

Why not?

More Ways to Jumpstart Your Mojo

• If you can’t afford to join a gym, a simple way to make sure you get your workouts is to find some way to break into the place in the middle of the night and do your workouts in the pitch-black darkness. Silently sneak out before the doors open in the morning.
• Make healthy food more desirable by eating it with a jewel-encrusted fork.
• If you weigh yourself in the nude, try weighing yourself even nuder, if you know what I mean (if you do know what I mean, would you mind explaining it to me?).
• Track not only the food you eat during the day, but also the food you do not eat.
• Convert your living room into a sweat-inducing sauna by turning the thermostat to 130°.
• To get more vegetables in your diet, fill your bathtub with sod and start growing zucchini squash there.
• Two words: sleep sprinting.
• To save time, work exercise into everyday activities. For example, don't use a cart when you're at the grocery store. Just get one item at a time, pay for it and take it to the car. Four or five hours later, you'll be done with both your workout and your grocery shopping!
  
• To remind you to drink more water, wear a garden-hose necklace.
• An easy way to get in some extra walking is to run out of gas in your car.
• Cut out your mid-weigh-in snack.
• Remember that you're not restricting the foods that you love forever... just for the rest of your life.
  
• They say that wearing too-tight clothes can keep your focused on your diet, so start wearing toddler outfits from Gymboree.
• If you’re gaining weight, cut that sh*t out.

Pictures Before, Pictures Right Now

I'm sorry, Last Goodnight

This is the blog about our weight.
This is the story of our fate.
This is the first day of a journey,
Lord, I hope it's not too late.

This is the trek that’s never done.
This is a hot dog without the bun.
This is the person standing on the scale,
Praying to lose a ton.

Pictures before, pictures right now.
Put up on the blog for the world to say “wow.”
Pictures before, pictures right now.
Remind us all of when we were a fat cow.



There is no drug that makes us thin.
It’s just us inside this skin.
It’s not important where we wind up,
Just important we begin.

The excitement of this journey’s got me shaking inside,
Tell my old life goodbye.

Pictures before, pictures right now.
Put up on the blog to show you’ve made a vow.
Pictures before, pictures right now.
Remind us all not to eat so much chow.

Comment to me, every objective,
Every goal you want to achieve.
Comment to me, all you want to accomplish,
All that matters to you and me.



We are too tired of too-tight fits.
We’re losing our weight but not our wits.
We are going, and we won’t quit no matter
How tough this road gets.

Pictures before, pictures right now.
Put up on the blog to show the whole world how.
Pictures before, pictures right now.
Remind us it’s time to tell your fat ass “ciao.”

Pictures before, pictures right now.
Put up on the blog to let us take a bow.
Pictures before, pictures right now
Remind us all the time is now, now, now.


Note: This was the post that I asked some of my blogger friends to provide me "before and after" (or "before and DURING" as a couple of them rightly pointed out). However, a funny thing happened once I got them plugged into the post. I got inspired. I got swept up in just how powerful those images were, and I felt like they didn't warrant a light-hearted approach. They deserved respect. Thanks again to everyone who participated and thanks for all the fantastic comments and emails yesterday–they made my day.

Before & After

To tell you the truth, I didn’t want to do it.

Put my photograph on this site.

I enjoyed being a mysterious, enigmatic fellow, a guy that could get away with saying any damn thing because he spoke from the shadows. But one day I realized that even though I kid around, even though I sometimes play loosey-goosey with language, even though I often seem to make light of this hellacious journey we’re all on… it’s really serious business for me.

It dawned on me one day that not having my progress photo on my blog was undercutting my message. I mean, I can talk all day long about the benefits of dropping 50, 75, 100 pounds, and some of you may even listen. But if I show you…


We’re visual people, you and I, and the impact of a massive transformation can lift us up, motivate us, remind us that what we’re attempting to achieve isn’t some impossible, pie-in-the-sky quest; the simple fact is that folks are doing it every day.

People just like you and me.

Rachel from Body By Pizza

I stumbled into this weight-loss blogging business the same way you probably did, looking for new ideas to help pull me out of my comfy Lazy-Boy lifestyle. Looking for new weapons in the war I knew I needed to wage against my uncooperative body. Looking for new answers to an age-old question: “How do I lose this weight?”

JAG from JAG's Diet & Fitness Blog

But in the end, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t seeking a how-to manual.

I was looking for hope.

Diane from Fit to the Finish

Seeing photographic proof of a successful weight-loss journey just stirs something deep within you, awakens some sleeping giant that resides in the solemn places of the soul.

Karen from Not Just Celery

It inspires.

It’s a flare to guide our way in the dark, a wind at our back that helps propel us through choppy waters.

Tricia from Endurance Isn't Only Physical

These aren’t people who plunked down two bucks at a convenience store counter and lucked their way into a Powerball jackpot. They planned and they persevered, they plotted and they plugged away at it. They dropped their excuses and picked up healthy new habits.

TJ from TJ's Test Kitchen

They had good days and bad, successes and setbacks. They may have even questioned if it was all worth it a time or two along the way. But they stuck with it, kept on keeping on, and…

Greta from Big Bottom Blogger

Well, what’s it they say about a picture being worth a thousand words?

Sean from The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

These photos are validations that, while these kinds of life-changing occurrences don’t happen overnight, they do happen. They don’t happen without a great deal of sacrifice and a huge amount of effort, but there’s not a one of us who have achieved it that would say it wasn’t worth all the effort and all the sacrifice in the end.

Jen from Prior Fat Girl

Wherever you are on this journey, whether it’s contemplating taking that first hesitant step or rounding third and heading for home, I hope you’ll meet the challenge you face with courage and commitment.

Tony from The Anti-Jared

I hope you’ll stick with it on the hard days and make it back to your feet when you stumble.

Bitch Cakes at *Bitch Cakes*

But most of all… I hope to see those photos when you’re done.