Fitsy Business

Miles: Sometimes you gotta say “What the fit” – make yourself move. Jack. 

Jack: “That’s easy for you to say; you’ve got... what... 4% body fat. Me? I don’t want to work out every day.

Miles: “Jack, you wanna know something?”

Jack: “Not espec...”

Miles: “Every now and then, you gotta say ‘What the fit’.”

  

Jack:  ...

Miles: “‘What the fit’ brings fitness. Fitness makes for healthiness, healthiness brings you happiness. So your wife and kids are going out of town?”

Jack: “Tomorrow.”

Miles: “You got the place all to yourself.”

Jack: “Yeah...”

Miles: “Normally, you’d order an extra-large deep-dish pizza and watch three seasons of some 90’s crime show on Netflix. What I’m telling you is this: Eat right... exercise… just say ‘What the fit.’”

Miles: “If you can’t say it, you can’t do it.”

Weigh-in Wednesday: Science is Golden

Using my keen, analytical mind, I’ve noticed a scientific trend: when I exercise more, I tend to eat more.

Wait… let me check that against research concerning past trends.

Hmmmmm…

That’s fascinating…

Turns out, when I exercise less, I also tend to eat more.

Oh yeah, and when I exercise a small amount, I tend to eat more, too.

This bears further study.

BTW, I’m not a mad scientist. I’M AN ANGRY SCIENTIST! GRRRRRRRRR!

THE WEEKLY PHYSIQUELY

Weight when I first started blogging: 291.5 lbs.

Last weigh-in: 266.0

Current weight: 265.0

Loss: 1.0

Total loss since re-start: 5.0 lbs.

 Goal for coming week: Eat less more. No wait… that’s confusing. Eat more less!

Tip of the Healthberg

• Put a one-million-watt light bulb in your fridge so that it blinds you and you can't find anything to snack on.

• Dancing burns enough calories that it more than makes up for embarrassment when someone comes up and says, "Are you okay? Should I call 911?"

• One way to get a free gym membership is to be really, really good at counterfeiting money.

• Instead of eating a tube of cookie dough, how about eating a tube of broccoli cookie dough?

• A simple way to drink more water is to use a cup.

• Small changes can reap big rewards; for example, cutting back to a six-pack of beer every night instead of a case saves nearly 19,000 calories per week

• Kale. Anything with kale.

• Horseback riding is an excellent workout (well, for the horse, I mean).

Nosh*tdamas Health Predictions

• A company will market a new miracle weight-loss pill that guarantees success as long as it is combined with a diet that reduces calories and an increased exercise regimen.

 • In the coming years, Nike will release a new running shoe that is 25% lighter, communicates wirelessly with fitness apps and costs more than your first automobile.

 • A scientific study will determine – once and for all – that coffee is good for you… no wait, bad for you… no good… no bad…

 • Chard will replace kale as the superfood that nobody eats.

 • New 3-D printing technology will allow you to actually print your own meals (if you don’t mind eating paper, that is).

 • Wearable tech will peak out with introduction of iThong, which sends a message to your phone letting you know whether or not you should be wearing a thong.

 • Millenials will, as they have in the past three years, continue to tick me off.

Gooder/Badder

Gooder: Taking a walk after dinner.

Badder: Taking a walk to Baskin Robbins after dinner.

Gooder: Brown-bagging your lunch.

Badder: Discovering that you packed three boxes of Fiddle Faddle in it.

Gooder: Doing 20 push-ups.

Badder: Eating 20 Push-Ups.

Gooder: Having a consultation with a nutritionist.

Badder: Taking cooking lessons from Paula Deen.

Gooder:  Experimenting with new healthy foods.

Badder: Philly Cheesecake sandwich!

Gooder: Scheduling an annual check-up.

Badder: Scheduling a daily banana split.

Gooder: Flossing your teeth.

Badder: Flossing your teeth with Twizzlers.

Gooder: Staying informed on latest health news and trends.

Badder: Reading Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.

Weigh-in Wednesday: Take This Scale and Shove It

There’s a simple explanation: Mistakes were made.

THE WEEKLY PHYSIQUELY

Weight when I first started blogging: 291.5 lbs.

Last weigh-in: 265.5

Current weight: 266.0

Loss: +.5

Total loss since re-start: 4.0 lbs.

Goal for coming week: Do opposite of everything I’ve been doing for past week.