How to Turn Your Office Into a Health Nirvana

• Replace your office chair with a gigantic wasp nest.

• Instead of just walking around with just one file, push an entire file cabinet around.

• Replace the coffee with decaffeinated coffee, and when your co-workers get used to decaffeinated coffee, replace that with dirty dishwasher.

• Do kegels during the staff meeting, but leave off the cream cheese.

• Take the stairs instead of the elevator… no wait… throw a grappling hook up onto the ceiling and climb up the side of the building.

• Don’t carry loose change so there’s no way for you to get items from the vending machine except for shaking it violently.

• Staying hydrated is very important, so always keep a drawer full of water balloons at the ready.

• Start using peddle-powered computer.

• Begin every business meeting with a handshake and a dozen lunges.

• Try to have a least one nervous fit per hour.

• Run in your company’s 401K program.

• Wear dress sweatpants.

• You can turn your cubicle into the ultimate workout facility by getting rid of all the work stuff and replacing it all with cool workout stuff.

• Do arm curls with your telephone receiver during phone calls.

• Quit your job and start working as a healthy living blogger (make sure you're independently wealthy first).

Time to Turn It Around

Happy Sh*tiversary

So there I was, feeling both sorry and sorry for myself. It was Easter Sunday of '09 and I was having a much overdue come-to-Jesus with myself about where I was going with my life, my health and my future.

I wasn't healthy and I wasn't happy, and I had a sneaking suspicion that the two things were intertwined.

I can't even tell you how I stumbled upon the world of weight loss and healthy living blogs. All I can tell you is that I was immediately and inexplicably smitten.

What I liked best was the fact that you could backtrack through someone's journey, see the person they were, the progress they had made and the brand new person they were on their way to becoming.

Like most bloggers, I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I began. Maybe that's blogging's real charm. We don't need to know what we're doing; we just need to do it.

I'm a clown at heart, so my site evolved into a space that doesn't often take itself very seriously. I'm sure that I turn some folks off with my approach, but that's the beauty of this business: this is "my" approach. This is the way I do it, and if it doesn't float your boat... well, I'll gladly refund your admission.

But make no mistake: reclaiming my health and building a positive future is as serious as an I-don't-want-to-have-a-heart-attack. I may be fun-and-games on here more often than not, but I mean business when and where it counts.

Two years ago today, I took my first tentative step down this healthy living road. My route has had twists and turns, to be sure, but I'm still here, still putting one foot in front of the other and still following a roadmap that has no timetable and no final destination.

Thanks to everyone who's shared part of my journey, whether it's been for a single step or for untold miles. Please know that I appreciate your patronage and participation more than I can even express. Some days, your silly or supportive comments, emails and messages are all that keep my train on the track.

I'm not going to say that I couldn't do it without you, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do it without you.

No one knows what the future may hold, but this is my plan: I want to keep doing what I'm doing, try to push you to keep doing what you're doing and maybe, just maybe, slide a fart joke in there from time to time.

Two years down... forever to go.

Tomorrow

I’ll start my new diet
Tomorrow.
Make my bottom smalla’
Yeah tomorrow,
I’ll be good.

I’m thinkin’ about
Tomorrow,
While I’m at the buffet
Eatin’ tacos
‘Til there’s none!

When I'm stuck at a weight

That's not great,
And feel lowly,
I just stick out my chins 

And grin, 

And say, 

Oh!


Can’t keep starting new diets
Tomorrow
.
Can’t keep hanging on

'Til tomorrow 

Instead of today.

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
Screw you, Tomorrow! 

You're always

A day

Away!

It’s My Way or the High Weigh

Weekly weigh-in: 226.0
Loss: +0.3
Total loss: -65.9

Emotion: Rebooting

So I get an email the other day and it’s somebody heapin’ lots of love on my blog, which never ceases to make my day. However, it’s wasn’t my hee-larious jokes or sparkling wit that impressed my admirer.

It was that awe-inspiring list of weigh-ins over on the side of my blog.

The one I haven’t updated in forever.

The one that, frankly, I’d all but forgotten about.

Shame on me.

Anyway, it made me reacquaint myself with my own past accomplishments, and I have to tell you that the experience stirred something inside me.

I studied it more closely, marveling at what I was able to accomplish, week after week after mother-freakin’ week.

It was a pretty non-active week as I tried to heal up from a pinched nerve in my back. I’m about 87 and a half percent back to normal strength and will get back to my sweat-tastic workouts this week.

More importantly, I’m going to start giving my weight-loss tracking on this blog the attention it deserves.

W.I.D.T.H. Hunt

Maybe it's just my love of scrapbooking talking, but I really like this project. Seeing all the different reasons and all the kooky ways of communicating those different reasons... well, it really makes my socks go up, down and sideways. It's not to late for you to throw your note in the hat as well. Email me at jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com and be sure to include a blog addy if you want it included.

These are all re-runs, so help me spread the word to generate some new ones. I can't do it all by my lonesome...

Adalita @ Fatty Fin to Skinny Minnie

Anne @ Lose2Live

Moving Mertle @ Diets and Sweat (Plus a Little Chocolate!)

Erika

Jamie @ Healing the Fat From the Inside Out!

Jen @ Jen's Lap Band Journey

Jenn @ Cooking Aweigh the Pounds

Patrick @ Responsibility 199

Mad Woman @ Looking For My Feet

Lynda With a Y @ Taking Less Space

The Best of (Milk)Shakespeare

“To be fat or not to be fat -- that is the question.”

“All the world's a buffet, and all the men and women merely diners.”

“All that glisters is not gold, all that tastes good is not good for you.”

“Neither a glutton nor a gorger be.”

“Beware the ides of March… and the fries of McDonalds.”

"Get thee to a bunnery.”

“A ham by any other name would be as fattening.”

“Double, double toil and trouble; let’s do some Zumba on the double.”

“Can one desire too much of a good thing? You bet your sweet ass!”

“The devil can cite scripture for his purpose. And he puts bacon inside waffles.”

“Good Night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow; hey, why don’t we meet for breakfast at iHop tomorrow?”

“Cry ‘Health,’ and let slip the blogs of fitness!”

“Eat less than thou wantest, exercise as much as thou cantest, and always be thou awesomest.”

“Eat tofu, Brute?”

“The lady doth partake too much, methinks.”

“If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you make us work out, do we not sweat?”

“This above all: to thine own diet be true.”