• Encourage shorter sit-down meetings by putting a loaded pistol on the table in front of you and mumbling incoherently.
• Buy everything in the vending machine, empty each package and replace the contents with healthy alternatives and then figure out some way to get them back in the machine.
• If a co-worker brings in a box of donuts, say “Hey, thanks for the donuts” in such a way that they’ll feel utter shame in what they did but that others won’t think you’re a jerk.
• See about getting your job responsibilities changed to “testing out effectiveness of local personal training programs.”
• Replace hold music with Jillian Michael’s shrieking “Get up and move your ass!” over and over.
• Organize a “Biggest Gainer” contest at your office; that way, even if you’re not losing weight, you’ll still feel better about yourself!
• Replace your office chair with a unicycle.
•Talk to your supervisor about the possibility of replacing the supply closet with a state-of-the-art workout facility.
