• Wash your hands, or at the very least, lick them clean.
• Kids can spread germs by passing around toys, so teach your child to never, ever share.
• It’s hard to tell if infants have the flu because they can’t describe exactly what symptoms they’re feeling, so concentrate on teaching your baby to talk.
• You can prevent dehydration by hydrating, dumbass.
• Throw away used tissues instead of shoving them back in the tissue box.
• When you call in sick to work, emphasize that you’re “really” sick this time.
• Introduce a good probiotic with a minimum 14 billion live organisms (make sure that you count them out yourself; 13.9 billion live organisms is just a waste of everybody’s time).
• Since influenza infects your respiratory, or breathing, system, you shouldn’t blame the flu if you get nausea, vomiting or diarrhea. You can blame that on my cooking.
• When you begin exhibiting flu-like symptoms, start taking medicine-like medicine.
