Take This Job And Shove It Full of Health

• One way to make your office vending machine more healthy is to put chewed up gum in the coin slot.

• Put a mannequin dressed like you behind your desk and go work out for four hours.

• Don't brag to me about riding your bike to work unless you pedal it up the stairs. Come on, slacker!

• It might help you lay off those donuts in the break room if you pretend that they are loaded with fat, sugar and completely empty calories.

• Instead of going out for drinks after work, encourage co-workers to get in some stress-relieving exercise by taking part in Parking Lot Fight Club.

• Replace your desk chair with a unicycle.

• You can make yourself drink more water during the work day by having "drink lots of water each day" written into your job description.

• If you can't talk management  into springing for staff gym memberships, ask them to install a moon bounce in the conference room.

• Bathroom stall yoga.

• Get IT Manager to turn off filter that blocks time-wasting sites like Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit.

THE DAILY SCALEY

Shine on!

More Ways to Make a More Healthy Office

• Instead of taking the elevator at your office building, try calling in sick and going to the gym instead.

• Instead of photocopies, make yogacopies.

• One simple way to get your heart rate up is to do such a poor job that you’re constantly worried you’ll get fired.

• Excuse yourself from a staff meeting and go run a marathon.

• Invest in some carpet skates and sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide to your next meeting.

• Make Mondays optional.

• Keep a bucket of hand sanitizer in the lobby and encourage people to dip their hands in it regularly.

• Replace harsh flurescent office lights with complete and utter darkness.

• If you’re going to offer donuts in the break room, at least make sure each one is first injected with a flu shot.

• Get a hands-free headset for your phone (wait… that was for my list of how to annoy the hell out of your co-workers).

• Drink more water by running a garden hose from restroom to your desk.

• Start a Health Eating Club. Yeah, it’s gonna be lonely but you’re used to loneliness, right?

• Replace your office chair with a personal trainer.

• It’s simple to turn an ordinary coffee maker into a juicer. Just invent a really small juicer that fits in the coffee filter basket thingy.