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Fit Jokes

A thought occurred to me the other day: why are there so many "fat" jokes and hardly any "fit" jokes?

Such as...

“You so fit that you signed up for
your company's 401K program thinking
that it was a weekend fun run.”

or 

“You so fit you served as a pallbearer at a
funeral and told the other pallbearers,
‘You guys can sit down; I got this.’”

I could do this all day. As a matter of fact... I did....

Check 'em out by heading over to my newest post for my buddies over at Anytime Health. Man, I've really gotten good at making links, haven't I? What? That last one didn't work. Sonofabitch!

THE DAILY SCALEY

I may not be getting the results I want, but I'm not getting 

the results I don't want. Wait, does that make any sense?

Confession: I Think I Just Killed a Dude

I’m serious, I really think I just killed a dude, but fortunately blog postings can’t be used in as evidence in a court of law (at least I’m pretty sure they can’t… ummmm, any lawyers in the house?).

Anyway, this past Sunday morning I showed up for the first game of the season in a 30+ basketball league. I’m matched up against a large African-American gentleman  who, I’m guessing, is at least ten years younger than me.

I’m still heavier than I want to be, but I’ve been exercising like a maniac and playing bball at least three times a week for… well… forever it seems like. My point: I’m not afraid of this guy.

On the game’s first possession, this dude… I never caught his name, so let’s just call him Kobe… turns around in the lane and hits a jump shot over my outstretched hand.

“It’s gonna be a long day for you,” he snorted as we jogged back down the court.

“That’s okay,” I assured him. “I packed a lunch.”

A couple of minutes later, I got out on a fast break and scored before Kobe managed to cross half court.

“Where you at, big man?” I barked.

For me, trash talking is as essential a part of basketball as a toy submarine is to a bubble bath (don’t judge me!).

But as the game wore on, I noticed the big guy was sitting out large chunks at a time, and when he did play, he was even slower than before.

Because I’m a really good sport (when I win), I went over to shake hands with the dude, who was really having trouble catching his breath. This would have been bad anyway, but it had been 15 minutes or so since the game ended and he hadn’t even been playing at the end. Obviously something was wrong…

Suddenly there was a blur of activity. 9-1-1 was called and somebody brought out a portable oxygen unit. A day that had probably started with an “I’m gonna get back in shape” would end with a trip to the emergency room.

There are lots of reasons to get healthy, be healthy, stay healthy, but this was a vivid reminder.

I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard, hoss. Hope you recover and take a less steep path toward your healthy living goals.

Breaking News: I don’t ask you to do much… besides occasionally lend me money and do anything I ask whenever I ask… but I’d really appreciate it if you’d head over and check out my very first guest post for Anytime Health. And let ‘em know you want to see more Sh*t in the future!

More Breaking News: Turns out my basketball buddy shook loose some gall stones or something, which was exasperated by how out of shape he was. Phew… no heart attack! At least not yet, but we have a rematch coming up. C’mon, big man!