Monday, October 9, 2017

Why My Last Weigh-In Wasn't So Hot


Blinded by fridge light other night; accidentally ate a cheesecake
Stepped on scale left foot first instead of right foot first
Forgot pre-weigh-in prayer
Thought I was going to Zumba class but it turned out to be keg party
Conspiracy at the highest levels of government
Had gum in my mouth
  • Forgot to exhale when I stepped on scale; lungs were full of heavy, heavy oxygen
  • Don’t understand it; must have had a hundred fat-free brownies this week!
Went ahead and had all I could eat at all-you-can-eat buffet
Had Oreo coupon that was about to expire
  • Pissed off voodoo witch-lady down in New Orleans
  • Something in the air
  • Misread recipe; it read “teaspoon” of olive oil and I thought it said “tablefull”
  • Bad luck because I ate a black cat
  • Weighed in the nude, but feel I could have been nuder

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