Maybe you're thinking about running a marathon.
Maybe you're thinking about running a half-marathon.
Maybe you're thinking about running a half-half-half-half-half-half-half marathon.
Whatever marathon you're thinking about running, I'm sure at least some of this advice will help you out...
• If you’re planning to run a marathon right after going to the restroom, make sure you don’t have toilet paper stuck in the back of your pants. A 26.2-mile stream of toiler paper is extremely wasteful!
• If you put a treadmill in the back of a pick-up truck and have someone drive you around while you run on it, it feels just like you’re running outside. Try it yourself if you don’t believe me!
• It’s important not to get dehydrated on long runs, so consider wearing a hydration pack or carrying a bucket of water balloons.
• Running’s easier if you’re as light as possible so before you head out, send me all the cash out of your wallet.
• Find what motivates YOU to run; for me, it’s when somebody says “I think the security guard saw you shove that down your pants.”
• Spend at least one day per week practicing carbo-loading.
• If you’re a barefoot runner, refrain from training in a field of broken glass and rusty nails.
• You shouldn’t run if it’s rainy, or looks like rain, or if there’s a chance of rain, or if it’s too sunny, too cloudy or too plain-looking.
Remember: it’s all about putting one foot in front of the other (never – and I mean never – put one foot in front of the same foot!).