Wednesday, September 20, 2017

A Healthy Dose of Healthful Health Tips

• You can make ice cream healthier by eating something different instead.

• A registered dietician can assist you in designing a nutritional plan you’ll find months later and have a good laugh about. 

• A really easy way to eat healthier is to hire a personal shopper to purchase all your groceries and a personal chef to prepare all your meals.



• One way to make yourself drink more water is to set off a pack of firecrackers in your mouth.

• There’s one simple way to tell if your portion size is too big: it’s always too big. 

• Eating at home instead of going out will help in your weight loss efforts, mostly because of what a bad cook you are.

  Remember this rhyme: “Cupcakes for dinner will never make you thinner.”

• You can make your own frozen fruit by putting fruit in the freezer, dumbass.


• Sex can burn over 10,000 calories per hour (please back me up on this "fact" if my wife Anita asks...)

6 comments:

  1. • There’s one simple way to tell if your portion size is too big: it’s always too big.

    OK, Jack, I want you to stop peeking in my windows RIGHT NOW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When comments are funnier than the blog post, it's time to shut this mutha down...

      Delete
  2. Eating at home gives you control over food intake. It's possible to have control even when eating out,provided you know exactly what you're going to order and its caloric value.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are my favorite health and fitness guru.

    I always heard if you the ice cream is part of an ice cream soda made with Diet Root Beer, then the calories are cancelled out. What say you, Jack?

    ReplyDelete
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