Monday, April 18, 2016

I've Hit the Tipping Point (Health Tipping, That Is)

• You can make your own homemade cottage cheese by... okay, you got me:  I have no idea how to make my own cottage cheese. I hope you're happy!

• Instead of eating biscuits, try not eating biscuits.

• You can make yourself drink more water by just being more forceful with yourself: QUIT BEING A LITTLE BITCH AND DRINK SOME MORE WATER, JACK!

• An easy way to track your daily calories is to hire a recent college graduate as your personal Daily Calorie Tracker. Thank you, incredibly weak economy!

• One way to lessen road rage is to keep a mannequin in the passenger seat and stab it repeatedly in the chest with a Bowie knife while screaming at the top of your lungs whenever another driver does something that enrages you.

• If you suffer from allergies because of so much pollen this time of year, try shutting the hell up about it and not annoying those of us who don't suffer from allergies.

• You should not eat panda meat because pandas are an endangered species, plus they extremely high-fat.

• A smart way to be more productive during the day is to only read my blog once or twice a day.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. It's a good thing I'm not aiming at being more productive :-)



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