Friday, April 8, 2016

Health-Inspired Songs for the Wee Little Children

Solomon Chunky
Solomon Chunky,

Began on Monday,

Chinese on Tuesday,

Buffet on Wednesday,

Happy Hour Thursday,

Pizza on Friday,

Dieted on Saturday,

Gained on Sunday,

Nothing ends 
For Solomon Chunky.

Ain’t It Great to Be Healthy?
A horse and a flea and three fat dogs,

Tried to lose the most on their weight loss blogs.

The horse lost a pound and taunted the flea.

“Dammit,” said the flea, “Tain’t fair for me!”

Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?

Happy and hearty the whole day through
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?

Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Beer Belly Gone?
Oh where, oh where has my beer belly gone?
Oh where, oh where can it be?

With my meals cut short and my workouts long.

Oh where, oh where can it… oh, I see! It’s all about burning more calories than you consume. So simple!

Old Jack Sh*tter

Old Jack Sh*tter was a fat ol’ man
He ate hash browns from the frying pan.
He wore blue jeans that were way too tight
And he never could stick to his diet.

Life’s not good for old Jack Sh*tter
He just ate an apple fritter.

Fritter’s gone, makes him go nuts
He just left to get more donuts.

Old Jack Sh*tter went to town
Stopped at every buffet around.
Ate like it was some kind of sickness
Put three restaurants out of business.

Get out the way for ol’ Jack Sh*tter
Obesity has made him bitter.
Bitter now, but better he’ll be
When he quits being so B-I-G.

Jack finally started to fly straight.
Begun doing something ‘bout his weight
Got a fire–not food–in his belly
Excercising and eating healthy.

Get out the way for new Jack Sh*tter.
Providing health tips there on Twitter.
Twitter, sure, and he’s got a blog, too
He sure hopes you'll get more fit, too.

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