Wednesday, February 10, 2016

I'm Not Gonna Pay a Lot for this Great Health!

• Making your own sushi is much cheaper than going out, and you can do it with items you probably already have around the house, such as a sushi mat, sushi vinegar, sushi rice, sushi seaweed and a sushi chef.

• You can make your own “100-calorie packs” by putting 100 calories worth of any food into a plastic bag, dumbass.

• Only eat processed foods if you process them yourself.

• One way to spend a smaller percentage of your income on food is by getting a job where you make more money.

• When you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, remember to wear your coat with Ziploc bags sewn into the inner lining.

• One way to get easy access to fresh vegetables is to marry a farmer.

• You can get free eggs and free milk if you can figure out some way to breed a cow with a chicken.

• Want a free membership to a fitness center? All you have to do is invent a shrink ray to make yourself too tiny to be seen.

• Organic bananas are much more expensive than the regular kind, unless you change the sticker on them like I do.

• You can make your own juicer using a hammer and… well, I guess that’s really all you need.

• Why spend money on expensive health books and magazines when I provide world-class nutrition and fitness information right chere?


  1. Don't marry a candymaker, tho.

    Hey Jack how's the diet going?? Hope you're healthy!

    1. It's not a "diet"... it's a way of life. And it's going terrible, thank you for asking!

  2. This was brilliant, thank you for the good laugh.Today's world is way to serious. I believe eat what you like, as long as it is in moderation. Now your moderation and my moderation may be very different



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