I Feel Pretty!

JACKIA

I feel sh*tty.

Pants don’t fit me.

I feel sh*tty, fulla pity and fat,

And I pity

Anybody who feels like that.


I feel heavy.

Oh so heavy.

Like a Chevy, so heavy I feel.

And so sh*tty,
Like I ate way too much last meal.

See the sh*tty guy in that mirror there?
How did his pants get so tight?
Such a flabby ass.
Such a flabby gut.
Such a flabby neck.
Such a flabby me!

I feel rotten.
Misbegotten.

Health forgotten,
And making me ill.
And I feel 
My life heading straight downhill.




GIRLS

Have you met my good friend Jack Sh*tty?

The craziest dude in blogdom.

You'll know from the minute you read him.

He’ll inspire you to get out and jog some.

He thinks he’s so funny.

He thinks he’s a wit.

He isn’t that funny.

He don’t know Jack Sh*t.
But he tries really hard
To help and inspire.
He wants you to be healthy
And lose that spare tire.


So keep up with it
Stay more active
You don’t have to be the person you were.
Lazy and fat
Health on the decline.
Washing down Fritos
With glasses of wine.
Mister Sh*tty Man, Mr. Sh*tty man, post.
Mr. Sh*tty man, write one more post.

JACKIA

I feel sweaty.

Oh so steady.
And I’m ready to finally break free.
So tough titty,
Nothing's ever gonna stop me!
 


I feel hearty.

Not so farty.

I feel healthy and hearty and fine.

And so happy.

My future is finally mine.


See the muscley man in that mirror there.

How did his muscles get so puffy?

Such muscley lats.

Such muscley glutes
.
Such muscley guns.

Such a muscley me!

JACKIA & GIRLS

I feel happy.

Not so crappy.

Feel like running and trying my best.

For I’m healthy,

On a healthy health-finding quest!