Big Boss: Research & Development has just invented a brand new miracle diet product!
Marketing Guy: Fantastic!
Marketing Gal: Stependous!
Big Boss: Who the hell are you?
Jack: Me? I’m Jack. I’m a world-famous health and wellness blogger that you hired to help you more effectively reach your target market.
Big Boss: Really?
Jack: Well, I’m also your wife’s nephew…
Big Boss: That explains that. Anyway, R&D is ready to move forward with
Marketing Guy: Sounds interesting.
Marketing Gal: Sounds intruiging.
Jack: Sounds… ummm… intertruiging.
Big Boss: Here’s the story: it comes from a small tree which grows in Southeast Asia. It’s picked by orphans and the extract is made from the fruit rind and contains 50% or more hydro-something-or-other acid. Mumbo-jumbo jingo-jango and we’re off to the races.
Marketing Guy: It’s incredibly fantastic.
Marketing Gal: It’s fantastically incredible.
Jack: It doesn’t work, does it?
Big Boss: You don’t understand how this process…
Jack: Oh, I think I understand it pretty well. You work out some Ponzi twitter scheme where people auto DM a message like, “I've lost 5 lbs this week using garcinia, try it for free.”
Marketing Guy: That could work.
Marketing Gal: That could definitely work.
Jack: You snatch some before-and-after photos off the internet from people who have worked really hard to lose weight and you say that your miracle product was responsible.
Marketing Guy: This guy’s good.
Marketing Gal: Really good.
Jack: You spam people’s email inboxes with too-good-to-be-true claims and offers because spamming is virtually free, nobody can stop you and you only need a microscopic return in order to be profitable.
Marketing Guy: I’m on board.
Marketing Gal: When can we start?
Jack: And then six months from now when everyone realizes what a waste it is, you change the product or just the name and start all over again.
Marketing Guy: That is beautiful.
Marketing Gal: I think I’m going to cry.
Jack: Look… I don’t have all the answers. Hell, I’m not even sure I understand the questions… but aren’t we better than this? Shouldn’t we strive to honestly help people find their way?
Big Boss, Marketing Guy & Marketing Gal: BWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jack: I think I’m gonna leave now…
Big Boss: Take a free sample on your way out! IT’S 1000% GUARANTEED!
Marketing Guy: Amazing!
Marketing Gal: Outstanding!