Thursday, September 19, 2013

How I Imagine a Miracle Diet Product Marketing Meeting Must Go

Big Boss: Research & Development has just invented a brand new miracle diet product!

Marketing Guy: Fantastic!

Marketing Gal: Stependous!

Jack: Fan…pendous!

Big Boss: Who the hell are you?

Jack: Me? I’m Jack. I’m a world-famous health and wellness blogger that you hired to help you more effectively reach your target market.

Big Boss: Really?

Jack: Well, I’m also your wife’s nephew…

Big Boss: That explains that. Anyway, R&D is ready to move forward with
Carcinia Gambogia.

Marketing Guy: Sounds  interesting.

Marketing Gal: Sounds intruiging.

Jack: Sounds… ummm… intertruiging.

Big Boss: Here’s the story: it comes from a small tree which grows in Southeast Asia. It’s picked by orphans and the extract is made from the fruit rind and contains 50% or more hydro-something-or-other acid. Mumbo-jumbo jingo-jango and we’re off to the races.

Marketing Guy: It’s incredibly fantastic.

Marketing Gal: It’s fantastically incredible.

Jack: It doesn’t work, does it?

Big Boss: You don’t understand how this process…

Jack: Oh, I think I understand it pretty well. You work out some Ponzi twitter scheme where people auto DM a message like, “I've lost 5 lbs this week using garcinia, try it for free.”

Marketing Guy: That could work.

Marketing Gal: That could definitely work.

Jack: You snatch some before-and-after photos off the internet from people who have worked really hard to lose weight and you say that your miracle product was responsible.

Marketing Guy: This guy’s good.

Marketing Gal: Really good.

Jack: You spam people’s email inboxes with too-good-to-be-true claims and offers because spamming is virtually free, nobody can stop you and you only need a microscopic return in order to be profitable.

Marketing Guy: I’m on board.

Marketing Gal: When can we start?

Jack: And then six months from now when everyone realizes what a waste it is, you change the product or just the name and start all over again. 

Marketing Guy: That is beautiful.

Marketing Gal: I think I’m going to cry.

Jack: Look… I don’t have all the answers. Hell, I’m not even sure I understand the questions… but aren’t we better than this? Shouldn’t we strive to honestly help people find their way?


Jack: I think I’m gonna leave now…

Big Boss: Take a free sample on your way out! IT’S 1000% GUARANTEED!

Marketing Guy: Amazing!

Marketing Gal: Outstanding!

Jack: *sigh*


  1. I'm betting that is pretty accurate, except for you being there, of course! You forgot the part where the before picture is taken after 3 days of not bathing, with the most depressed look they can muster on their face.

  2. It's unfortunate but true. I've seen Garcinia advertised in twitter a LOT.

  3. What's sad is that "doctors" are recommending this. And by "doctors" I mean... Doctor Oz.

  4. You're behind every one of those marketing schemes, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?!


  5. A long time I was looking for some good information about health fitness but I was tired, After see your post information I am very pleasure that you share a nice information thanks for share this.ahmed bari is the best personal trainer in miami florida



Related Posts with Thumbnails