Say, Where Did That Wagon Go?

We hate talking about it.

Well, at least I do.

Yes, I – THUD – fell off the wagon.

I sat there on the dusty road and watched it roll on.

And on.

And on.

And on.

Here’s what I didn’t do…

Get back on my feet, brush myself off and chase after it.

Nope, I convinced myself that wagon-riding is a slow way to get anywhere.

Day after day after day of monotonous sameness.

Watching what you eat.

Making sure you get in plenty of exercise.

Not playing new drinking game I invented where you watch Fox News and take a swig every time anybody says anything is Obama’s fault.

Excuse me, but I have some changes to make.

And a wagon to catch.

Jack Sh*t 2.0 – Return of the Lovable Loser

Hello, my name is Jack, and I have a confession to make…

One time, when I was playing Sims on my daughter Pisa’s laptop, I made one of my characters drown in a kiddie pool, then had his family members and friends all show up for the funeral wearing swimsuits.

Okay, okay….

That wasn’t the confession I wanted to make.

No, my confession has to do with the fact that I’ve just been going through the motions lately, both on this blog and on my healthy living goals.

I’ve always acted a fool on this site, but it was always with a mix of honesty and accountability and sometimes even a tiny splash of insight.  

I’m making plans to get back after it in a major way.

Join me?

Sing Along, Wee Little Children!

Oh, He Was a Jolly Fat Fellow

Oh, he was a jolly fat fellow,
He was a jolly fat fellow,

He was a jolly fat fellow, 

Which nob’dy could deny.
Which nob’dy could deny.
I doubt anyone would try. 
Now he is an awfully fit fellow,

He is an awfully fit fellow,

He is an awfully fit fellow…
I’d much rather be like this guy!



Whistle While You Work Out




Just whistle while working out.
Da da dada da da (don’t pout)
And cheerfully together 
Fat for muscle we'll replace. 

It’ll be less crappy if you stay happy
With a smile upon your face.

And as you sweat and shred

Just try to imagine instead

It’s only a scary nightmare

And that you're back home in bed.

The C-H-E-A-T-E-R Song

Ol’ Jack Sh*t, sittin' in a car.
C-H-E-A-T-E-R
First comes cola, then comes snacks
Then comes Quadruple XL slacks.

I Love Food

I love food,
That’s just me,

Led to my obesity.
With a great big lunch,
And a snack at half past two,
Can’t you see what that will do?

I love food,
That’s just me,

But best friends we should not be.

With a great big shrug,
Must be careful what I chew,
Time to say I love me, too.

Buff and Fit Gals

Buff and fit gals, did you work out tonight? 

Work out tonight, work out tonight. 

Buff and fit gals, did you work out tonight?
Or watch TV by the light of the moon?

Sweatalot

We’re Knights of the Less-Round Table,

Exercising all that we’re able.

We do routines

On gym machines

With technique impecc-able.

We work out here in Sweatalot,

Do a set, re-set and squat a lot.

We’re Knights of the Less-Round Table.

Our workouts are painful.

For many hours

‘Til we hit the showers,

Muttering curses quite disdainful.

We’re crazy fit in Sweatalot,

And we try hard not to sit a lot.

Each day, we’re tough and able.

Get all the steps we can finagle.

We do workouts,

Eat Brussel sprouts,

And say no to that bagel.

It’s a healthy life in Sweatalot

Tho I write posts I regret a lot.

This Headline's Even Worse Than My Last One!

I’m bringing home some baby turnip greens.
Won’t my wife Anita be so proud of me?
I’m bringing home some baby turnip greens.
GRRRRR! They’re dirty!

I’m washing up my baby turnip greens.
Won’t my wife Anita be so proud of me?
I’m washing up my baby turnip greens.
OHHH!! Let’s cook ‘em!

I’m cookin’ up some baby turnip greens.
Won’t my wife Anita be so proud of me?
I’m cookin’ up some baby turnip greens.
OUCH!! They’re bitter!!

I’m seasonin’ up my baby turnip greens.
Won’t my wife Anita be so proud of me?
I’m seasonin’ up my baby turnip greens.
NOW!! Time for dinner!!

I’m samplin’ my baby turnip greens.
Won’t my wife Anita be so proud of me?
I’m samplin’ my baby turnip greens.
OH!! They’re disgusting!

I’m tossin’ out my baby turnip greens.
Man, my wife Anita hates ‘em more than me.
I’m tossin’ out my baby turnip greens.
DAMN!! Let’s order a pizza!