I Made An Infographic!

More Offensive Color Names Discovered at Target

Target pulled a plus-sized boner last week when a customer stumbled across something peculiar: a gray plus-size dress was listed as "Manatee Gray" while the same dress in regular sizes was called “Dark Heather Gray.”

It made me curious, so I high-tailed it to Target and found a bunch of other potentially offensive color names in the plus-sized section...

• “Jack Black” Black

• Butterball Beige

• Copper (with Cheese)

• All-You-Can-Eat Amethyst

• Cheesecake Chartreuse

• Sumo Sapphire

• Oprah Orange

• Lard-Ass Lavender

• Paula Deen Green

• Raspberry Buffet

• Yo Mamma Mauve

• Submarine Yellow

• Plump Plum

• Can ‘O Frosting Fushcia

• Pot-bellied Pink

• Rose Fatter

• Rosanne Barr-rown

• Brontosaurus Bronze

• White Don’t You Go on a Diet?

A Few More Weight Loss Songs for the Wee Little Children

The Runny Honey
You put your right foot out,

You put your left foot out,

You put your right foot out again,

And you keep going like that.

You get all runny, honey

And you wear yourself plumb out.

That’s what it’s is all about.

Where Oh Where Has My Willpower Gone
Oh where, oh where

Has my willpower gone?

Oh where, oh where can it be?

With my workouts cut short 

And my eating all wrong

Oh where, oh where can it be?


Ain’t It Great to Be Healthy?
A horse and a flea and three fat dogs,

Tried to lose the most on their weight loss blogs.

The horse lost a pound and taunted the flea.

“Dammit,” said the flea, “Tain’t fair for me!”



Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?

Happy and hearty the whole day through
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?



The Jackey Sh*t Club
Who’s the leader of the club

For folks like you and me?

J-A-C-K-E-Y 
S-H-ASTERISK-T


Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there

It’s time to get healthy!

J-A-C-K-E-Y 
S-H-ASTERISK-T



Jackey Sh*t!

Jackey Sh*t!

Don’t ever let your scale go so

High! High! High! High!



Come along and sing a song

It’s a weight loss jamboree!

J-A-C-K-E-Y 
S-H-ASTERISK-T!

The Battle (of the Bulge) Hymn of the Republic

Mine eyes have seen the horror of the numbers on the Scale.
My pants are fitting badly and I’m feeling like a whale,
Trying to be good, but wind up sayin’ “What the hell?”
My weight is marching up.


Oh me! Oh me! How to lose weight!

Oh me! Oh me! How to lose weight!

Oh me! Oh me! How to lose weight!

The truth is I don’t know.

I have tried to count my calories; I’ve tried eating less fat.
I have tried portion sizes that wouldn’t satisfy a gnat.
If you have a brand new diet, well, okay, I will try that.
The truth is I don’t know.

Oh me! Oh me! Help me lose weight!

Oh me! Oh me! Help me lose weight!

Oh me! Oh me! Help me lose weight!

It’s time to bring it down!

I have started working out more, I have started eating less.

I am never, ever perfect but I always try my best.

What the scale will tell me this week, man, is anybody’s guess.

But I’ll keep marching on!

Oh me! Oh me! I will lose weight!

Oh me! Oh me! I will lose weight!

Oh me! Oh me! I will lose weight!

My weight is coming down.


I have lifted all the free weights, I have started doing squats.

I wasn’t really counting, but I’m sure that I did lots.

It’s really, really hard for me so please keep me in your thoughts.

My journey’s marching on!

Still Covered Up...

...but hope to get back here soon.

Pupside Down

 Sorry for the blogging silence of late, but things have been super busy around here.

 You ever have those times when Life gives you lemons, but you don't have any of the other ingredients  necessary to make lemonade?

 When you've got lots of work to do and your "helpers" aren't all that much help?

Socrates said, "Beware the barrenness of a busy life" but he got to wear a toga around all day so I'm not sure what he has to say is all that relevant in today's world.

 Anyway, I'm trying to get back on top of my way-too-busy life and hope to pick up a more regular blogging schedule in the not-too-distant future.

 Thanks to everyone who reached out via comments, emails, smoke signals and singing telegrams to make sure I was still in one piece.

 Take care of yourself and I'll see ya when I see ya.
(Oh, and by the way, sorry I've had to add some hurdles for commenting, but I'm getting hammered with spam comments; spammers love my blog!)

 Oh, and one more thing... PUPPIES!

TTFN

Nothing annoys me more than a blogger than just drops off the scene without notice.

Well, I suppose people who chew with their mouths open annoy me more.

And  the who drive too close behind me, that annoys the absolute crap out of me.

And dog owners who don’t clean up after their dogs (wait… I’m one of those non-clean-uppers… IT’S JUST DOG CRAP, PEOPLE!

And telemarketers.

And brown-nosers.

And people who can’t park properly.

And non-handicapped people who park in handicapped parking spaces and then drive little scooters around the store.

And one more thing annoys the hell out of me: when life and work get out-of-control busy and blogging starts feeling  like just a really bad-paying job.

So…

I’m taking a month or so off to try to get everything back in balance.

But don’t think I’m losing my healthy mindset, even though I did eat three Dove ice cream bars while writing this post.



Anyway...

No goodbyes.

Just…

Ta ta for now.



Blog at ya later, alligator.