• Slap lady at the grocery store who's handing out Cheese Whiz samples
• Get tattoo that reads “Kalorie Killa”
• Split the veggie fajitas when we go to a Mexican restaurant
• In case of emergency, always carry a 9 mm beef jerky strip
• Go to an all-you-can-eat buffet and eat one cherry tomato
• Hang out at the corner drinking from 40-ounce water bottles
• Wear matching sweatbands at spin class
• Hook everybody up with guy that sells dime bag of multivitamins
• Pour out one wheatgrass shot for our unhealthy homies
• Greet everyone at yoga class with “Namaste, bitches.”
THE DAILY SCALEY
As Neil Armstrong said when he first set foot on the moon, "Man, I am super-light today!"
