• Bacon replaced with strips of steamed rutabaga
• Can’t order cheese dip in a restaurant without proof of recent cholesterol check
• Eskimo pie can no longer be eaten unless you are actually an Eskimo.
• Beer now only sold in one-packs
• Eating fondue now death-penalty offense
• Police authorized to raid freezers at midnight to search for renegade Ben & Jerry’s cartons
• Maximum number of toppings for frozen yogurt established at 0
• Possession of more than 3 ounces of 1,000 Island dressing now a felony
• Movie theater popcorn reclassified as “weapon of ass destruction”
• Introduction of new DUI-DD offense (Driving Under Intention of going to Dunkin Donuts)
