Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Health without All the Health Doodads

• Instead of an expensive heart rate monitor, simply make best friends with a nurse who'll check your numbers whenever you ask.

• Instead of buying a home treadmill, install a sidewalk that goes all around your neighborhood.

• Instead of buying expensive running shoes, simply try on some expensive running shoes and "accidentally" walk out wearing them (better be prepared to try those suckers out soon depending on alertness of security guard).

• Instead of purchasing an expensive juicer, try beating the hell out of whatever you want to juice with a heavy mallet.

• Instead of taking a Segway around the running track, try running on your own two legs.

• Instead of buying expensive bicycling suit that makes you look ridiculous, simply cover your body with fluorescent spray paint in ridiculous design.

• Instead of purchasing bottled water try filling a bottle with water, dumbass.

• Instead of joining a fitness center, make your entire world the center of fitness.

Instead of buying fresh, organic fruits and vegetables, try having a generous friend with a garden full of fresh, • organic fruits and vegetables

• Instead of buying expensive Greek yogurt, try Greeking up some regular yogurt.

• Instead of reading my blog on the Internet, sign up for Jumpin' Jack's Health Facts Fax.

3 comments:

  1. Installing a sidewalk sounds quite expensive - maybe you could con the government into doing it for you?

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  2. Health doesn't have to cost much.Walking is the best workout (no gym, no bicycles...) only your legs and enthusiasm. Water is the best drink (no juices and no juicer needed), A garden for veggies and fruit - that would be a great asset,but buying them on the market won't ruin you financially.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I really do think buying bottled water is ridiculous! Unless your house is on a lousy well, you should be able to drink safely from the tap. Keep all of those plastic bottles out of landfills and save yourself some serious $$$, too.

    ReplyDelete

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