Healthy back-to-school strategies

• When you get up in the morning, don’t forget to pack a sensible lunch the night before.

• Plan routes between classes that are exactly 5 kilometers, because there’s something magical about running 5K for some reason or another.

• Running up the giant slide on the playground burns considerably more calories than simply sliding down it.

• Easy weight loss tip: locate a bully interested in stealing your lunch money.

• Sit in the back of the room and, every time teacher’s head is turned, sneak in as many jumping jacks as you’re able.

• Take THEORIES OF ADVANCED ASTROPHYSICS; have you seen how heavy that textbook is? Quite a workout!

• Instead of ignoring your homework to binge-watch Game of Thrones, try ignoring your homework to go for a walk around the block.

• Write “I WILL NOT START A FIRE IN THE TRASH CAN AND COOK S’MORES DURING CLASS” one thousand times.

All new, all different!

Welcome to the ALL-NEW, All-DIFFERENT version of Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit!

What? What's that you say?

Yes, it does look an awful lot like the old version of JSGF, but that's only because redesigning a site takes a lot of time and effort. More specifically, convincing your teenage daughter who's about to start college to redesign your site takes a lot of time and effort.

So what's new?

How about my commitment to reaching my weight loss and healthy living goals? It's never - and I mean NEVER - been higher than it is right now!

Okay, you got me. My commitment level was considerably higher back when I first started this blog. But how in the world could I ever be as committed as that guy. Look at how he described his commitment level back then...

• I am 1,000,000% committed

• I will work 25/8/366 …that’s right, 25 hours a day, eight days a week, 366 days a year (except for Leap Year, in which I will work 367 days!)

• I am so committed, I make a couple’s 50th wedding anniversary look like a first date

• I’m getting a tattoo that says “Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek” on my ring finger.

• I am infinity times infinity plus infinity committed

• Suicide bombers write to me all the time and ask “Damn, how can I be as committed as you, brother?”

• Consider a breakfast served to you of ham and eggs. The chicken is involved in the breakfast. The pig is committed. I am ten times more committed than that pig.

•When you go to www.100-percent-commitment.com, it would redirect to this blog site if I had had the foresight to buy that domain name a few years ago when it was available.

• If you could see my face right now, you’d see that I’m gritting my teeth in an expression of absolute total commitment.

• I will never, ever give up… and if I do ever give do give up, I promise I will shoot myself in the face with a water gun filled with honey and stick my entire head in a fire ant hole… but I won’t because I will never, ever give up…and if I do, I’ll do the fire ant thing…but I won’t because I just won’t!*

*And if I do, FIRE ANTS!

I think we can all agree that there's such a thing as being TOO committed. That guy had the fire in his belly to get things done, but not the smarts to make certain he didn't fall back into his old ways once he’d met his goals. I may not be as committed as him, but maybe - just maybe - I'm a little smarter. Time will tell...

Until then, enjoy the kinda-new, somewhat-different, sometimes-mostly-the-same Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit. You may not always be entertained or inspired, but... well, let's just leave it at that…

Time to get rolling

Do you know what Mark Twain once said about blogging?

NOTHING! NOTHING, YOU MORON. MARK TWAIN DIED IN 1910, AT LEAST FIVE YEARS BEFORE BLOGGING WAS EVEN INVENTED. JUST HOW STUPID ARE YOU?

Wait, I apologize. I’ve been going through a rough patch and I've let it affect me in less than positive ways. Part of it is just me feeling sorry for myself, and part of me is upset because so many of what I thought were loyal readers of JSGF didn't even bother to check up on me, even though I might have gotten seriously injured in a log-rolling accident or something. AND WHY IS LOG-ROLLING SO MUCH HARDER THAN IT LOOKS ON THE LUMBERJACK OLYMPICS? IT'S JUST RUNNING ON A FREAKIN' LOG FLOATING IN WATER!

I'm sorry. It's not you... it's me. I've packed on some pounds and have found myself right back where I was when I began this site oh-so long ago.

As I was staring up at the eclipse the other day, I had few revelations:

1. Maybe I can get my sh*t together and get on the path to a better, healthier me.

2. Maybe I can use this experience to teach myself a lesson in humility, perseverance and determination.

3. Maybe I should have spent the two bucks on those special eye-protecting glasses. 

No promises, but I'm going to do what I can to turn things around. 

As Mark Twain once said, “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."

Time to get doing what I'd rather not.