Wednesday, June 22, 2016

I'm Pretty Sure I Could Be Trying Harder

• Lately, I’ve been spending more on wine than on my mortgage.

• Little old lady at the gym asked to use barbells when I was done with them.

• My latest weight-loss manifesto included eleven references to Pop-Tarts.

• I ran a half- half- half- half- half- half- half-marathon. 

• Instead of using scale, have started “guesstimating” my weight.

• Replaced 100 nightly sit-ups with trying to stuff 100 Oreo’s in mouth at one time.

• I’ve worn out my Lazy-Boy recliner.

• Last month, watched entire Netflix library.

• Yesterday, I counted watching a Bowflex commercial as my daily workout.

• Thought I was eating fat-free Greek yogurt, but turns out it was Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby. 

• Starting driving down to end of driveway to get the morning paper.

• Daily journal just reads: “Blah blah blah blah blah.”

• Counted can of vanilla frosting as a serving of fruit.

• I’m bench-pressing same amount as my friend One-Armed Johnny.

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