Thursday, January 14, 2016

Oh, Snape!


Jack: Ummmm… Professor Snape?

Snape: Ugggh… you again, Mister Sh*t?

Jack: Yeah, I think there’s been some sort of mistake…

Snape: What do you… wait. What is that in your cauldron?

Jack: What’s a “cauldron”?

Snape: Is that… *sniff*… is that coffee?

Jack: “Cauldron” means “coffee cup”? You learn something new every day at Hogwart’s!

Snape: Why did you call me over here, Mister Sh*t?

Jack: I think I’m in the wrong class.

Snape: What?

Jack: I signed up for “Portions” not “Potions”.

Snape: Portions?

Jack: Yeah, I seem have a real problem with portions. I thought I was a pretty good guesstimator, but it turns out I was eating nine servings of granola in one sitting.

Snape: That’s appalling!

Jack: Tell me about it. Much more of that and you could change my name to "Neville Widebottom".

Snape: Go on...

Jack: And my “handful of nuts” was actually four servings.

Snape: How is that possible?

Jack: I’ve got big hands, okay? Anyway, research confirms that larger food servings not only provide more calories –duh – but also have two other effects: they encourage people to eat more and to underestimate just how much they’re eating.

Snape: Fascinating.

Jack: So I signed up for Portions thinking I could learn some tricks, y'know, like using portion control dishware, making my own single-serving packs, dishing out servings separately and especially controlling portions when eating out.

Snape: Well, I don’t think I’ve ever said this before but… 50 points for Gryffindor.

Jack: Ummmm… I’m a Hufflepuff.

Snape: Of course you are. Of course...

4 comments:

  1. You know I am all about portion control. :) What a great tribute to him. Cancer sucks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Everybody mourning here and expressing condolences for the inimitable loss of Snape( Thanks for making the memory of him alive! We appreciate this!

    ReplyDelete

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